Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Israel Pretense Forces Bravely Escape Armed Conflict

ISL - Jerusalem, 11 December, 2012 - In another heroic action, highlighting the courage and vigilance of Israel's Pretense Force, an entire squadron of veteran combat soldiers faced off a fierce group of stone-flinging Arab youths, escaping just in time to avoid quelling the disturbance in a professional and decisive manner and without inflicting any kind of physical or spiritual damage upon the Arab hooligans.
Secretly filmed footage of the action was inadvertently released on the internet yesterday, allowing the public to witness firsthand the perils of service in the Israeli Pretense Force. Most of the public, as well as Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu and many other MKs from the entire political spectrum, were supportive of the action and the IPF, praising the bravery of the soldiers and their determination to uphold the strictest, most humane rules of combat ever set up by a scarred nation fighting for its very existence. Israeli PM, Netnayahu, released a statement saying that "A new and better generation of soldiers has emerged in Israel, a generation that forgoes the base, physical aspect of combat in order to achieve pure, metaphysical victory on the moral plane. They are the pride of the nation." Minister of Pretense, Ehud Barak, also known as "Runaway Ehud", for his successful, groundbreaking midnight retreat from Lebanon and other military failures, said that "Not since the Disengagement have we seen the IPF act in such a decisively moral manner. This is a proud day for all defenders of important Jewish values such as 'turning the other cheek' and 'Loving your enemy'.
IPF Chief, Benny Dunce, later admitted that three soldiers were moderately wounded in the action, but said that "Moral victories are never cheap, and sometimes, if not always, Jewish blood is the price of conquering and maintaining the moral high ground, which is the only real ground there is and therefore our most important military objective."

This loathsome business of trading Jewish lives, property, history, ethos, and values for a theoretical morality that only Jews must adhere to, has really gotten out of hand. This premise, invented and imposed in the 1980s by former Supreme Court Chief, Aharon Barak, and the Israeli media, is the source of all our troubles, from the Oslo Accords to this day. The sooner we rid ourselves of this mindset, the more lives we will save on both sides. 
Also, lest anyone has forgotten, the last decisive moral victory that the Jewish people won was the Holocaust. For my part, I can do without such "victories"...
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Sunday, December 9, 2012

International Outrage as Netanyahu Changes Lightbulb in Jerusalem Home

ISL - Jerusalem, 9 December, 2012 - The international community expressed outrage yesterday after it become known that Israeli Prime Minister, the hawkish Mr. Netanyahu, changed a lightbulb in his home in Jerusalem. UN chief, Moon-Sun Tide said that he is extremely disapointed in the actions of the Israeli Prime Minister, which may have set back peace for another decade. High placed sources in the American government said that US President Barak Obama had the worst hissy fit ever and had to be forcibly restrained from calling Netanyahu a dodo-head. Britain and France threatened to continue to despise Jews and serve Muslim interests. to their own detriment. In the West Bank, moderate Palestinian President Mr Abbas issued a statement saying that "This latest provocation proves beyond the shadow of doubt that the Israelis do not wish for peace and that, regrettably  there will be no peace in the region until all the Jews are killed."

For his part, Netanyahu apologized for changing the light bulb in the living room of his house in downtown Jerusalem, claiming that his actions did not in any way shape or form signify a deviation from the policies set down by his predecessors and the international community. "Changing light bulbs in Jerusalem is permitted according to the Oslo accords," a sweating Netanyahu said to reporters today,adding desperately, "Even Rabin changed light bulbs." But the invocation of the Holy Rabin only served to further enrage the horde of Leftist Israeli journalists, so that Netanyahu had to be ushered out of the back door by his security detail, which feared for his life.

Politic analysts in Israel opined that the radical move by Netanyahu was part of the political gamesmanship conducted by all parties before the upcoming election, in which the Likud pretends to be more right-wing than it actually is, and the other Jewish parties on the Left follow suit. Senior analyst Hanan Bamba said that the world needs to understand the situation and relax, since Netanyahu will undoubtedly return to implementing the policies of the Left the minute he is voted into office once again.


Well, I've gone back to reading current events once in a while due to the upcoming elections, so I may be posting a bit. This, obviously, is my response to the ridiculousness sparked by the government's decision to build homes for Jews in Israel...As you can tell, I am no fan of our current chief executive, who has severely discriminated against Jews simply because they are Jews. I am beginning to think that things will not really change for the better until we get ourselves a bona fide right-wing religious prime minister.
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Saturday, November 12, 2011

American Jew Accused of Owning 450 Black Slaves in NBA Plantations Across the Country!

ISL - 11 November, 2011 - One hundred fifty years after the civil war that tore apart the Union, and fifty years after the civil rights movement erupted across the nation, it appears that black slavery in the United States is far from abolished - on the contrary, it is alive and well  in one of America's prominent entertainment venues: the National Basketball Association. This, according to new accusations made by intrepid Black journalist Bryant Grumble, and by attorney Jeffrey Kessler who represents the NBA slaves in their ongoing quest for freedom.  Unfortunately, both men did not provide the American public with sufficient details about the conditions of black slavery in the NBA, a task which ISL has taken upon itself.

A quick internet search reveals that the conditions of the black slaves who labor in the NBA are harsher than anyone could have imagined in this day and age. Witness, for instance, the picture below:

This measly mansion has a meager 8 bedrooms and 11 bathrooms, and rests on no more than  20,862 square feet of property, which includes the small, entirely inadequate pool depicted in the picture above. As you may have guessed, this minuscule property, which is barely fit for a dog and valued at no more than 50 million dollars, is the abode of an NBA slave known only as "LeBron James", a ridiculous appellation, given to him no doubt by his evil master and (alleged) father, NBA commissioner David Stern. In addition to being compelled to live in these degrading and shameful conditions a thousand miles from his hometown of Akron, Ohio, LeBron James, like all other NBA slaves, is contractually forced to make baskets, dunks, and assists in the NBA fields, for seven and often eight consecutive months a year. 

The video below, shot at great risk by civil rights volunteers, shows LeBron James at work with other slaves. Viewers will note the three white overseers in black pants and grey shirts who control every movement of the slaves with their whistles. Slaves who disobey the Master's rules are immediately punished with a "foul". Six fouls lead to banishment from the NBA fields and more severe and dreaded forms of punishment. For this reason, the fearful slaves do all they can to avoid incurring the displeasure of the white overseers. 

Observant viewers may have noticed that "6" is also the number savagely branded on LeBron James shirt. In fact, just like in the Holocaust, every NBA slave has a red-hot number branded on his shirt, so that clearly NBA players are not only slaves, they are also Holocaust survivors, a fact which Jeffrey Kessler should have brought to the attention of the American public.

According to sources, there are about 450 Black slaves and NBA Holocaust survivors who are currently  trapped in the horrifying NBA labor camps, with no hope, no friends, and no way out of their cruel existence except to play out their contracts. On average, they last five years in the vicious, debilitating playing fields of the NBA, while being paid no more than an average annual salary of five million dollars. A quick calculation shows that the average NBA Black slave will make no more than 25 million dollars in his short career as a slave. Considering the rising prices of mansions, maids and cable TV,   500 square feet walk-in closets,  "Cribs", Bentleys and other luxury cars, as well as "bling-bling", it is no wonder that many of the black slaves in the NBA cannot make ends meet.

To us, it is clear that such base cruelty must be stopped. These atrocities are not being committed in the hell-holes of the Middle East or in powerful China - this is happening right here in our backyard, in the U.S of A. How can any decent, upright American citizen see these flagrant human rights violations and fail to tremble with rage and cry out at the stark injustice?

In such dark times I am reminded of the famous and inspiring lines written, no doubt, by an anonymous Black NBA slave, perhaps at halftime or in the training room, after another grueling day under the burning spotlights of the NBA fields:

First they came for the NBA players,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't an NBA player.

Then they came for the Black anti-Semites,
and I didn't speak out, because I wasn't a Black anti-Semite.

Then they came for the self-hating Jews,
and I didn't speak out, because I wasn't a self-hating Jew.

And then they came for me, and we went bowling, and we never watched an NBA game again. Ever.


If you are wondering, Bryant Gumbel was not fired for his racist and anti-Semitic remarks. This stands in stark contrast, for instance, to Rush Limbaugh, who was forced to quit a moment after he made a much less inflammatory and hurtful remark about the media reporting on Black NFL quarterback Donovan McNabb, a remark that was actually quite  truthful.
Jeffrey Kessler, who like Grumbel debased hundreds of years of Black history in America, is somehow still retained by the basketball players union.

Finally, hat tip to one of the most insightful basketball writers on the net, David Friedman.

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