Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Bishara: I Fled From The Wrath Of My Lover – Israeli Defense Minister, Amir Peretz.

In a surprising turn of events, the missing Arab Israeli Mk Azmi Bishara, re-emerged in a hastily arranged press conference, confessed a decades old affair with Peretz, and accused him of using his new-found authority as Defense Minister to harass and persecute him, after Bishara swore to end the relationship, because, as he put it: "I got sick of being screwed by a Jew."

ISL – Qatar Desk
After disappearing for weeks, and with rumors of his resignation causing political turmoil among Israeli Arabs, MK Bishara dropped a bombshell that is sure to wreak havoc among his Jewish colleagues as well, not least among them Israeli DM ,Amir Peretz.
This, after Bishara confessed to a decades old extra-marital affair with Peretz: "We met on his Kibbutz" said Bishara "me, an impoverished young boy, forced out of school to work in the fields of the kibbutz, and him, a short, stocky Jew, with curly hair and a devilish grin, in charge of picking bananas that summer - I felt I could not resist him."



Bishara embarrassed the battle-tested reporters with detailed reports of the intimate relationships between him and Peretz, pointing out that their emotional bond survived numerous obstacles throughout the years, including Peretz's own marriage to a woman: "I took it hard at first" said Bishara ' but I understood at last that Peretz was too ambitious to admit our affair, and to keep up appearances he had to marry and raise kids. I agreed to go along – because I knew that he really loved me. But now" sobbed the once proud Knesset Member. "Now, I know that it was all a lie. A vicious, Zionist lie!"
Bishara confessed that he came to this realization only recently; " Like many other paramours, I felt at times neglected, perhaps even betrayed, but when we met, he would give me a good spanking, and maybe spit on my face, and we would have violent love, and afterwards he would look me in the eyes and say "Azmi, I love you, you filthy Arab", and immediately all my fears and suspicions melted away, and we became one again."
Here Bishara stopped, and it seemed that he was wiping a few tears: "He just changed. I can't explain it – he, he , ever since he became Israeli Defense Minister he's just not the same person. He won't hit me, or whip me, he won't even curse me out, in fact he barely talks anymore – he's a shell of the man he used to be, I don't know, he couldn't make love anymore – he just stopped being a man. He said it's the job and all the pressure but finally I couldn't take it anymore, and I told him that it's finished, and then he went crazy."
"Agents followed me every where, my house was ransacked repeatedly, my phone was being tapped, and all my friends were scared away. I had nowhere to go, no way to escape this monster, except to flee the country, so here I am, once more a Palestinian refugee, a victim of a rabid, racist, Zionist, who fooled me, screwed me, and left me with nothing - no love, no home, no future, and a past that was nothing but lies."

Back in Jerusalem, Peretz vehemently denied the allegation: " This is just another Arab fantasy" said Peretz to reporters, "Woven, as usual, from the fabric of an overly active imagination, and an under-achieving, over-sensitive personality. I would never fall in love with an Arab" said an indignant Peretz
"Why, the very idea is absurd." Scoffed Peretz.
"That is to say, even if he did have a beautiful, olive complexion, and soft, supple limbs, and the most delicate touch imaginable – there is no way I would fall in love with such a man – I mean, even if he did have a delightful behind, and hazelnut eyes with just a fleck of emerald green if you look at them up close in the right light, like on a summer evening at sundown in the apple orchards of my kibbutz…Oh god, I miss you my Azmi!" concluded Peretz, who broke down, sobbing for a love that will never be, and perhaps, never really was.
Follow IsraelSatireLab on Twitter

No comments:

Recent Posts


Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner