hopes that the beleaguered Finance minister, accused of embezzling millions, will be cleared before aliens return.
ISL, Jerusalem Office
Israeli Finance minister was interrogated for eight hours today in Fraud Squad headquarters in downtown Jerusalem. The minister, accused of embezzlement, breach of trust, misappropriation of funds, and a bad haircut, emerged tired but defiant, reading a short statement to the press:
"Finally I have had a chance to tell the true story to the police. In brief, I was abducted by aliens, on my way to a political rally in Bet- She'an. A bright flash of light blinded me, and I was taken aboard their ship. They examined me endlessly, probing with their four, purple tentacles, and peering at me intensely with yellow eyes that never blinked. They interrogated me about our society and the political system, which, it seems, they could not comprehend. I answered the best I could, hoping to please them and escape with my life. I do not know how long I stayed on their ship. The next thing I knew I was back in my car, on my way to the rally – it was as if nothing happened, although countless days had gone by. When I returned home, I saw millions in cash, stacked neatly in my study, stuffed into envelopes. I knew for sure that the aliens had given me this money, to improve our society, and that, ladies and gentleman is the truth, so help me God."
Hirchson refused to answer any questions and he was quickly whisked away by his aides.
Police spokesman, Eli Habib, appeared after him and also read a prepared statement:
"Israeli finance Minister, Hirchson, was interrogated by Israel's finest for eight hours concerning allegations of fraud involving several institutions and millions of Shekels. The minister cooperated completely, and held nothing back. His story, although incredible, is not the most far-fetched one we have heard in these rooms, and stranger things have come true. We all remember when former PM, Ehud Barak, accused of illegal funding for his election campaign, claimed that he inherited the money from a deceased Palestinian suicide bomber who turned out to be his half brother by an illicit affair his long lost mother had when she was a captain in the Australian air force during World War two. This new discovery resulted eventually in his complete acquittal, so we all know how that turned out. Therefore, at this stage, despite very strong evidence pointing unequivocally towards the finance minister as the guilty party in this affair, including video evidence of numerous transactions, and confessions of all the parties involved including his own son, it is still our professional duty to check his story to the best of our abilities. I promise the Israeli public and its esteemed elected representatives, that we will do our best to locate and question said aliens, so that the innocent will not be unjustly accused, tried and convicted. "