Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Barak Threatens To Make Up His Mind , Olmert Not Panicking

ISL – Jerusalem

Former Israeli PM, Ehud Barak issued a final ultimatum to Olmert, following the Winograd report. Talking to reporters, Barak said that unless Olmert resigns immediately, he, Ehud Barak, will decide once and for all where he stands on the issue: " I have made up my mind" Barak informed reporters " to make up my mind"
"This making up of my mind will occur soon, much sooner than anyone expects" threatened Barak " and when it does, it will be a decisive maneuver, worthy of my vast intellectual abilities and coldly efficient logic."
"I will make up my mind so good, so effectively, so mindfully " said Barak " It will blow his mind away " added Barak, alluding apparently to Olmert .
"No one makes up his mind better than I do which is why I do it so seldom " added the Israeli Napoleon who confessed: " I just don't want to seem cocky or arrogant. I don't want to overwhelm people with my lightning quick reactions to complicated , multi-faceted incoming data, which I can process faster than you can say "Camp David", but now – now I'm pissed." said Barak, becoming angry " Now I'm really getting mad, and I swear – I will decide, and Olmert will rue the day that I decided to decide, because when I decide, by God, that's what I do – I decide! And woe be to all those who dare to un-decide me! Those intellectual weaklings who cannot imagine the infinite calculations, the millions of permutations necessary to make such a bold, once in a lifetime choice between, essentially, two things – to decide or not to decide? How can one decide? On the one hand we have a decision to make, and on the other hand - no decision, which in reality is just another decision, disguised as indecision!! So first, we must decide if to decide to decide or, on the other hand – not to decide to not to decide." rambled Barak mumbling more to himself than to the bemused reporters:

"As an accomplished chess player, I can tell you that such a decision, right now at the beginning of this intricate political mind game between me and Olmert has the ability to affect the outcome of the whole match. So it must be weighed carefully – yes, very, very carefully. It is not an easy decision to make - after all the well fare of the country rests upon this decision. One wrong step now, one false move will ruin everything I have worked for my whole life. So ultimately, like Hamlet, I ask myself – to decide or not to decide?" Barak paused and then answered himself: "Frankly, I'm not sure. I think I have to think about it – and that's definite!!" concluded Barak, once again taking the longest possible way between two points of utter insignificance.

Follow IsraelSatireLab on Twitter

No comments: