Sunday, May 13, 2007

Head of Settler Terrorist Cell Nabbed in Hebron

Israeli security forces capture Josh Greenbaum, 6 year old fanatic from Hebron.

ISL - Hebron
In what is considered a major coup for Israeli Counter-Terrorist efforts, Security Forces managed to pinpoint and capture the vicious leader of "The worst Jewish terrorist cell this country has ever seen" said spokesman for DM Peretz who expects further arrests to be made in the next few days.
Security forces in the Hebron area have been searching for years for the mysterious and charismatic head of the settler terrorist cell that imposed it's will and terrorized the Arab population for the past two years. All attempts to discover his identity had been foiled, even after all the male adult Jewish residents of Hebron had been arrested just to be on the safe side : "Little did we know then that the real leader was not even in kindergarten at the time" said head of Israel's Security Agency who admitted that the new settler tactic of using toddlers to overthrow the secular Israeli government and takeover the country as a prelude to conquering the Middle-East had his experts confused at first: "Once again we fell into the trap of believing in our own pre-conception that 3 or four year olds cannot be involved in complex terrorist operations, much less initiate and lead them."
The settler terrorist cell is considered responsible for numerous attacks against the Arab population in Hebron over the past two years. Captured leader, 6 year old Josh Greenbaum has been indicted on several counts of terrorist activity including:

Attempted murder – Several incidents involving throwing wrappers of ice cream cones in the street which witnesses described as "littering with intent to kill an Arab who could have slipped and broken his neck"
Rape of a Minority Woman (two counts) – Two recorded incidents of pushing an Arab girl in line to the slides in Hebron Municipal Park, and many more rumored but un-recorded attempts.
Muslim Human Rights Abuse (numerous counts) – Praying in Hebrew next to group of innocent Arab bystanders and wearing a Kippah in public
Assault and Battery (dozen counts) - Begging innocent Arab snipers to stop aiming at his house and family
Breach of Peace (three counts) - Bleeding and crying in public park after being hit by stones thrown by Arab youths , and finally
Resisting Arrest – Kicking and crying and refusing to leave mommy and go with the policemen who came to arrest him.

Israel's Attorney General has already declared that the state "will throw the book at Josh" in an attempt to "teach the settlers a lesson they will never forget", and that his office will demand the maximum penalty available for such heinous crimes: "We must make sure that such a menace does not roam our streets again" said the DA who is considering asking the government to reinstate the death penalty.

Josh Greenbaum himself was not available for comment, having suffered severe wounds after falling down the stairs in Hebron's one story police headquarters. Greenbaum is currently in the hospital suffering from a ruptured spleen, two broken arms and a torn kidney, besides numerous bruises and cuts and a mild head concussion. Hospital officials admitted that this was "The worst case of falling down from a ground floor that we have ever seen."
Meanwhile, the Arab residents of Hebron took to the streets to celebrate their newfound freedom. Three Jews were killed in the spontaneous outburst of joy and dozens wounded. Several spiteful Jews who tried to interfere with the celebrations were arrested by the Hebron Police.

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Ben-Yehudah said...

B"H As a veteran teacher in Israeli religious schools, I neither confirm nor deny Josh Greenbaum's involvement in any special training, with the exception of SWBT (special water balloon tactics) and MLFP (master level finger painting).

Anonymous said...

AHA! I knew it!
That finger painting training sure sounds deadly.

Thanks for stopping by,
Ben Yehudah.