Thursday, May 10, 2007

Israel Foreign Ministry to Kill Israelis in New PR Campaign

ISL – Jerusalem
Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni issued a plea to all Israeli citizens to help Israel's PR efforts by getting killed.
Talking to the press, Livni said that Israel is losing the PR war because not enough Israelis are dying: " Tragic deaths, whole families obliterated, children trapped in bombed houses screaming and burning to death – those are the kind of materials that can push Israel over the top and really sway public opinion in our favor." said Livni who also revealed more sophisticated plans:
"Our marketing research has indicated that only obviously painful misery can sway world opinion to our side, so after some brainstorming we came up with several PR initiatives intended to inflict a decisive blow to our enemies." said Livni who elaborated:

"For instance, we suggest a bombing campaign so hideous it will pale in comparison to past waves of terror. This time", said the enthusiastic Livni, "We will systematically target public opinion strategic sites such as nurseries, school buses, and hospitals. With the help of the police and the IDF we will be in an ideal place to effectively coordinate lethal attacks and broadcast them live to the whole world, proving once and for all how viscous and cruel our enemies are and how justified we are in retaliating against them."
Livni said that if the first PR campaign will succeed than others will follow:
"For instance we plan to disengage from other areas, just so that the world will see how much we are suffering. This time we will randomly choose some place, perhaps a settlement or maybe even a small city, and kick people out with no advance notice – the wailing and crying and sheer authentic suffering will be undeniable, and so we will force the world to acknowledge the integrity and sheer morality of our courageous stand against a cruel and heartless enemy who will stop at nothing."

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