Thursday, May 17, 2007

Olmert Accuses State Comptroller of Doing His Job

Olmert:"I'm not doing my job, why isn't he not doing his?"

After being harassed for months by State Comptroller Michael Lindenstrauss and being constantly charged with every kind of crime and misdemeanor in the book, Prime Minister Ehud Olmert says that he has had enough:
"I've had it up to here with people like Lindenstrauss who go out of their way to do their jobs as efficiently as possible. There is no place in my government for such a professional attitude" said Olmert to ISL correspondent yesterday: "This is exactly why we passed the Peter Principle Law – so we can deal with annoyingly competent civil servants like the State Comptroller."
Under the new law State Comptroller Michael Lindenstrauss can be charged with "Obstruction of Corruption" as well as "Criminal Competence" and "Serving the Public" which may lead to his immediate dismissal, as well as up to ten years in jail. If guilty, the offender may also be subjected to a civil suit.
Olmert said that he now recalls with fondness his time as Mayor of Jerusalem:

"In hindsight, it was a much better place to work – I spent years accumulating wealth and influence at the public expense and I never heard a thing. In fact one year I didn't even set foot in Jerusalem and the City Comptroller, who happens to be my niece, never said a word to me about it!"
"She's such a nice kid" said Olmert, reminiscing "She has the Olmert genes alright – she knows when to speak and when to shut up, when to steal from the public and when to make empty promises. Like King Solomon said: " To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven". Such a wise man! I bet he didn't have any stupid Comptroller breathing down his neck, eh?" said Olmert who expressed his shock and dismay at the treatment he has received lately:
"Now, the minute I become Prime minister, all hell breaks loose – suddenly I'm accused of everything from cradle snatching to money laundering to jaywalking. I mean – what is this country coming to, if indecent people like me can’t make a living anymore? How can we expect the younger generation to want to live here and raise a family when they see how difficult it is to get a free ride in this country without being harassed day and night by people like Lindenstrauss? "
"This kind of righteous, public-minded, honest behavior must stop, and I plan to make it a top priority of my administration." Said Olmert who has already ordered a complete and thorough investigation of the Comptrollers actions, promising: "I will not rest until I make this country safe for selfish, corrupt, incompetent politicians like my cronies and myself"

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