Thursday, May 3, 2007

Olmert after Winograd: "Our Strength Is In Our Ineptitude"

Kadima Mks rally behind PM: "We Are All Failures, But No One Fails Better Than Olmert"

ISL – Tel-Aviv
In a touching show of support and solidarity with their beleaguered Prime Minister, Kadima Mks and party members came out in full force yesterday evening at party headquarters in Tel-Aviv. More then fifty people swarmed the 4 bedroom apartment of veteran Kadima supporter, the overwhelmed Aaron Levine who said, with tears of emotion streaming from his face: "I have been a member of this party for over two months and I cannot recall such a large gathering, and so much enthusiasm."
Olmert himself arrived and opened the festivities. After helping himself to a free soft drink and some cookies (not forgetting to discreetly put some in his pockets "for later" as he put it), he addressed the passionate crowd, speaking first of the recent Winograd affair.
Olmert talked about the difficulties of his position, the many different issues which rise up each day:

"How am I supposed to know and decide stuff about transportation, as well as security and health and taxes? I mean one minute it is a student strike the next, a Kassam strike – it's just so overwhelming" admitted Olmert, while his colleagues on the small, raised stage nodded in agreement. However, Olmert did not take sole credit for his failings, telling the sympathetic crowd: 'My failure is your failure – I could not have done it without your continued support. In fact, without it I doubt that I could continue to do my job so poorly " Olmert confessed. As he no doubt expected, his words raised the devotion and excitement of his supporters to a new level. The room filled with cries: "Olmert we love you" and "Olmert King of Israel". Some clapping started but was quickly hushed by Aaron ("Because of the neighbors").
Olmert continued to laud his colleagues in the Knesset all of whom he commended for their incompetence: "These are the kind of people that a person can go to battle with – people I can trust to be even more ineffectual than I am" said Olmert, praising especially Foreign Minister Livni who giggled and blushed in her chagrin, as well as Mofaz and Shitrit. Olmert ended his speech with a guarantee: "I promise to all of you to remain in office; I promise that we will once again experience the sweet taste of complete and utter failure. But next time, I promise you, next time my failure - which is your failure - will be spectacular, a failure that will be unheard of in its scope and daring, a trailblazing failure, a failure that will make you proud!!"
At this point ISL correspondent , who is a sensitive guy, broke down and joined the clapping and crying and dancing that ensued (but mainly the crying), following the age old dictum – if you can't beat them – join them. Although sadly, he did not even get to eat any burekas, which were guzzled down quickly by the much hungrier (and pushy) Kadima MKs.
So, like the rest of the Israeli people, he went to Kadima and was left with crumbs.

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