Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Olmert and Peretz Respond To Winograd: It's Not Our Fault We Are Clueless

ISL – Jerusalem
In A defiant response to the harsh criticism directed at his government as well as himself by the Winograd committee, Olmert said that he is prepared to stay in office for many more years in order to correct his mistakes: "Until I get it right" . Olmert also said that the lions share of the blame for the Lebanon Fiasco must be placed at the feet of the Israeli public who chose such incompetent leaders in the first place: "We made no secret of our ineptness, our selfishness and our corruptibility" said Olmert to reporters, "therefore our misconduct of the war is in complete accord with our promises to the Israeli people. We did nothing wrong."
Upon further questioning Olmert admitted some of his failures: "It is true that I am a flawed man. I am a congenital liar, a fraudulent and pompous fool who has always used the public office for my own private ends and will continue to do so, unless given a chance to correct my mistakes. I am sure that in just a few more years I can become a much better Prime minister " added Olmert " After all, practice makes perfect – a few more wars and I'm sure that I'll get it right."
Defense minister Peretz denied any wrongdoing as well: "All I know is, I came to work everyday, shuffled around a few papers, had some meetings, drank tea and let my secretary answer the phones and deal with urgent stuff. This is what I always did in the Histadrut and it worked out fine for me year after year" said Peretz

"I just don't understand what people want from me now. I did nothing wrong. I couldn't have done anything wrong since I made it a central point of my career to do nothing consistently and competently. How else do you think I rose to be the head of the Workers Union? It's not as easy as it looks " admonished Peretz. "Now, obviously, if I never actually did anything while in office – how can I now be blamed for anything? I am sure if something went wrong it is not my fault ' said Peretz "But rather the fault of one of my underlings. I know this is so because that's the way it always is. Why do we need to change things all of a sudden? " asked a mellow Peretz, who turned to reminiscing: "When I was in the Histadrut and the shit hit the fan we'd just fire the least likeable person around and get on with our work of doing nothing inefficiently as possible. It worked for me there and I do not understand why it shouldn't it work for me now."
Former Chief of Staff Halutz was too busy selling stock to answer our questions.
Follow IsraelSatireLab on Twitter

No comments: