Monday, June 18, 2007

Hamas Wins Palestinian Olympics!

Hamas clinches victory with gold medal in Terrorist Tossing competition.

Ten of thousands of jubilant Palestinians swarmed the streets of Gaza yesterday after Hamas clinched its first victory in the Palestinian Olympics, held every four years in June. The celebration erupted when Hamas sportsmen won the Terrorist Tossing competition after throwing a Fatah operative from the roof of the tallest building in Gaza. The operative, who was dropped from the 25th story, flew through the air for almost twenty seconds and dived gracefully into the pavement, creating a decorative stain on the sidewalk ten meters wide. The excellent toss earned the Hamas sportsmen a grade of 9.5 from a neutral panel of experts appointed by the Arab League.
Earlier in the day

Fatah sprinters won the main track event "100 mt - 5 km Dash to the Border" arriving far ahead of the Hamas track team which stopped to pray on the way and was allegedly ambushed by a Fatah patrol which proceeded to cut their legs off. The competition committee said that it will look into Hamas' allegations of unsportsmanlike conduct.
Other events included

"Free Style Shooting" which ended in a draw. Both teams shot up everything in sight with joyous abandon including hospitals, ambulances, women and children, patients, cars, buildings and each other. Informed spectators agreed that Palestinian free-form shooting has reached its apex in this year's Olympics.
In one of the most intriguing events "Moral Gymnastics" a host of competitors dueled furiously. Contestants included Archbishop Desmond Tutu, The Media, Palestinian and Israeli politicians. However, as in former years, the well-oiled media machine pulled away early and earned once again a resounding victory over its bitter rivals, Truth and Integrity.

ISL experts add:
The Palestinian Olympics are intended to express the unique Palestinian culture, developed throughout dozens of years of incessant larceny and murder. They are attended by more than a million spectators and broadcast worldwide. They are considered a major boon to the Palestinian economy which relies on the income to buy much needed weapons and ammunition for the poor and sick.

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