Thursday, June 7, 2007

Perversion Week in Jerusalem: More Events Approved By Supreme Court

Masturbation Rally at the Kotel, Pedophile Parade approved - Orthodox and Gay organizations unite to protest abominations.

ISL –Jerusalem
In another controversial decision, Israel's Supreme Court ordered the Jerusalem Municipality to permit several additional events for International Perversion Week, to be held in two weeks in Jerusalem. The first appeal to be approved was that handed in by The Society for the Prevention of Children, who won their appeal and will be allowed to hold "The Worlds Largest Public Masturbation Event " at the Western Wall. Chief Secular Justice , Mrs. Beinish said that the decision was proof that Israeli society has finally freed itself of thousands of years of Rabbinical tyanny: "We are a free people and we can masturbate wherever we want." said Beinish.
Head of the SPC, Harold Itchbach said that he hopes the rally will encourage more people to masturbate instead of having sex and making more children: " everywhere we look we see that people are at the root of society's problems – violence, poverty, inequality, racism and many more ills are known to be caused by people, and we believe that the only realistic way to deal with this is to masturbate. Masturbation is not only fun, it is also a moral obligation of every citizen who really cares about the future of humanity."
The Pedophile Parade will also continue as planned after the Supreme court rejected the governments appeal. In the decision, Justice Beinish said:

"Pedophiles are human beings too, and deserve the same rights as anyone. I am sure that if I was born a Pedophile, I would molest children too." Pedophiles from all over the world are expected to attend the first ever Pedophile Parade to be held in downtown Jerusalem during Perversion Week. Local parents will be advised accordingly. President of The Israeli Pedophile Union ex-convict Rafi Ginsburgh, said that he was relieved by the decision: " We fulfill a difficult and thankless role in society , and it is about time that our contribution is recognized by society – after all, if it wasn't for us, hundreds, perhaps thousands of children would go unmolested every year, and where would society be then?"
The Bestiality Bash was denied, on the grounds that the municipality does not have the facilities necessary to accommodate hundreds of animals. The Rapists Rave, Wife Beaters Gala and the practical demonstration planned by the three remaining members of The Suicide Society all still await decisions by the court, expected to be handed down tomorrow.
Meanwhile, the decisions have been protested adamantly by several groups, most notably religious ones joined by the "Open House" , organizers of the original "Gay Pride" events which later became the model for "Perversion Week". Yariv Opel , a founding member of "Open House" said that he is embarrassed by what has happened to the Gay Pride March: "We began the march in a good and just cause – the long-time suffering of a persecuted minority, but our cause has been taken over by fringe groups who are, let's face it, cruel, immoral, illegal and downright disgusting."
Yariv said that gay groups will not participate in perversion week: "being gay is not a perversion, we don't feel a part of such an abominable event," and instead will protest the events in a large rally organized by religious groups, "we will march proudly, hand in hand with our orthodox brothers," said Yariv.
Orthodox organizations welcomed the support of the gay population acknowledging that their backing shows that even sodomites realize that there is a limit to what society can tolerate: "If the gay community would have listened to us ten years ago, we would not be faced with the current abomination" said Rabbi Nakar, one of the organizers of the Anti-Perversion Rally, who expects tens of thousand of gay participants alongside hundreds of thousands of orthodox protesters: "we are working closely – but not too closely, of course - with the gay community to assure the success of our mutual protest." said the Rabbi.

Follow IsraelSatireLab on Twitter

No comments: