Sunday, July 29, 2007

Israel Initiates Peace Talks With Atmosphere - Following Heat Wave

Israel offers "Land For Peace" deal in return for milder climate.

ISL – Jerusalem
Following days of intense, suffocating heat causing several near deaths to innocent civilians, the Israeli Government announced its willingness to sit down with the Atmosphere "and get serious" about resolving the conflict between the two sides: "Every year in the summer the conflict flares up and old wounds and disagreements boil over and hurt innocent people," said PM Olmert who vowed, "That for the sake of our children we will do anything to reach a lasting, enduring peace with the Atmosphere as soon as possible."
Yariv Oppenheimer, Director of Peace Now and other luminaries in the Israeli Left applauded Olmert's initiative, although Yariv said that he hopes "it is not too little too late. We have been urging peace with the atmosphere for decades and we are glad that the Israeli mainstream has finally come around to our view. The question is: can Olmert make enough concessions to make peace an attractive option for the Atmosphere?"
And that is indeed the question:

Hawkish Minister of Strategic Affairs, Avigdor Lieberman, has already said that he opposes any sort of deal with the Atmosphere, "For once, let the other side make the first step. If the Atmosphere is sincere in wanting peace, it will renounce the heat wave immediately and promise never to do such things again!"
Olmert is said to have offered the Negev and parts of the Judean Desert as well as arms and ammunition to the Atmosphere in return for a cessation of hostilities. The offer has been passed on by top Israeli meteorologists who are acting as intermediaries for the government. No word yet has been received from the Atmosphere on the proposal.
Moshe Fieglin, head of Jewish Leadership in the Likud said that only a leader who believes in G-D will be able to deal with the Atmosphere in a way that will guard the interests of the Jewish people and "in any case," said Fieglin, "the Atmosphere is part of G-D's promise to Abraham as revealed in Genesis Chapter one, verse one, " In the beginning God created the heaven…" and as has been interpreted by the sages (see commentary on Heavanly Tractate, chapter 79, page 2, Rashi and others, as well as prominent Zionist Rabbis in Eretz Izroyel who have already signed a petition to that effect.)
Bibi Netanyahu, speaking as opposition leader and running against Feiglin for the Likud Chairmanship, said that evacuating the Negev and part of the Judean Desert for a so-called "Peace with the Atmosphere" will be a security disaster and will likely be an even worse catastrophe than the unilateral pullout from Gaza, although, Bibi clarified, "That does not mean I will vote against such a proposal when push comes to shove..."

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