Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Olmert Announces Plan to Establish "United States of Palestine"

Olmert and Palestinian PM Abbas agree to establish dozens of Palestinian states to be united under one flag. Olmert: "The more Palestinians states there are, the more secure Israel will be."

ISL – Jericho

In a briefing following the mini-summit between the two prime-ministers, Olmert said that Israel must cater to the divided Palestinian nationality: "There is already one Palestinian state in Gaza, headed by Hamas, and another one in the West Bank headed by Abbas, but already there is pressure by other groups to be represented," said Olmert.
"The Islamic Jihad, which has a respectable following in Gaza has already declared its determination to achieve a Palestinian state led by its own people. So we may be seeing two Palestinian states in Gaza soon," continued the Israeli PM. "We will probably be hearing more from newer groups such as "Jaish Al-Islam" and "Jaish Al-Umma" who are only making their first steps into Palestinian Nationalism, and no doubt they too will want a Palestinian state of their own.
"In the West Bank there are many groups challenging Abbas for control and their need for a state of their own will have to be brought into account if we ever want to see an end to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict," said Olmert. "I am talking about the PRC, The Al-Aksa Brigades, the Tanzim, the DFLP, and PFLP, and the PIG, The Fatah Radicals, Sons of Fatah and the popular R&B group "The Fatah Blues" who are a really good band and also deserve a state of their own on Israeli land or at least a decent recording label," said Olmert.

Olmert also fielded questions from the reporters who were most eager to hear where all the Palestinian states will be situated considering that Gaza and the West Bank are no bigger than Brooklyn:

"No problem," said Olmert. "Abbas and myself agreed that, as every man knows, size doesn't matter. A state can be as large as Russia or as small as the Palestinian governmental compound in Ramallah. We can have a Palestinian state in Nablus and another one in Hebron, and so on. That is no problem. If need be we can even split each city and create smaller Palestinian states in each neighborhood, and maybe even, one day , every house in every city and village in the West Bank and Gaza will be a Palestinian State, thus realizing Peres' dream of "A State for every Palestinian". The important thing here is that Israel respect the political ambitions of the Palestinian nation," Olmert concluded.

Meanwhile, preparations for the new federation of states have begun in the Palestinian
(Fatah faction) Ministry of Culture and Education. Continuing the age old Palestinian tradition of unoriginal thought and plagiarism, the Ministry has decided to use the American "Pledge of Allegiance" as a model for its future citizens: "All we need is to change a few words and it will fit perfectly," said the Minister of Culture and Education, convicted murderer and rapist, Basam Abu Karaa.
ISL has learned that the text, which is still in final stages of copywriting, will look something like this:

"I Pledge allegiance to the flag,
Of the United States of Palestine,
And to the Chaos for which it stands:
One thousand Clans, under arms, indoctrinated,
With murder and mayhem for all.

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