Thursday, October 25, 2007

12 Settlers Burned at the Stake as Israel Marks Saint Rabin's Day

ISL – Tel Aviv
Twelve settlers, one for each year that has passed since Rabin's death, were interrogated and burned at the stake in the official ceremony held at St. Rabin's Square yesterday. The burnings are the high point of The Rituals of Peace marking the twelfth anniversary of Rabin's crucifixion and ascent to Heaven, as recounted in the Gospel of Shimon the Blind.
According to custom, each settler is interrogated by the Inquisitors of Peace who demand that they confess that they are responsible for the murder of Rabin.
Every year the crowds cheer on the interrogators, who use the rack, the wheel, the skull crusher and other well-worn Instruments of Peace to extract confessions from the unorthodox settlers. Yet, this year (and most years) the excited crowd is disappointed since none of the settlers will recant, preferring their devilish heresy to the Truth and the Blessed Kingdom of Peace.

After the burnings, the attending dignities had their say, each one recalling The Rabin in his own way, spreading the light of his blessed teachings everlasting.
Shimon the Blind said: "The blanks that hit Rabin in the back, or the front, as the case may be , killed not only Rabin himself, but also the Queen Mother, Leah Rabin, and all of his friends and family and all of his followers and all of the members of our Church of Peace, and all the people in the world who care about truth and justice and global warming and what's on TV tonight," said Shimon. " And yet, The Rabin, who knew all this and foretold it, begged us to forgive our enemies and turn the other cheek, and harbor no hatred in our hearts for our fellow man except to the settlers and all orthodox Jews, so that our reward will be Peace Everlasting between Israel and the Palestinians in this world and the next, Amen."

Princess Noa Ben Artzi, grand daughter of The Rabin Himself, said that every time she thinks about Him she becomes sad all over again, "I think about if He were alive, we would all be living in Heaven on earth and we would have Eternal Peace, and the lamb would live with the lion and everybody would have enough food and nobody would fight anymore and all the settlers would be gone already, but now our dream has been shattered and there are more religious people than ever before and everything is just depressing, except for the fact that I get my own column in the papers and anything else I want just because I'm a Rabin. So I guess maybe it's not all bad," concluded the heir apparent.
Other dignitaries spoke and then the High Priest of Peace , Aharon Barak concluded the ceremonies with a special mass, reciting from the Book of Rabin and giving communion to the faithful.
And then it was over.
The crowd slowly left St. Rabin's Square, sad but at peace, their sins expelled and forgiven till next year and then they went home and washed out the smoke and the blood and the sweat, and they went to sleep, looking forward to a new, happy day in this New, Brave World of Peace and Truth.

Related:
Rabin Canonized Posthumously by Israeli Secular Church of Peace
French Hill's Thought On Rabin's Memorial - which sums up the situation quite well.
Esser Agaroth discusses the cult of Rabin
Follow IsraelSatireLab on Twitter

No comments:

Recent Posts


Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner