Sunday, October 14, 2007

Army Dismayed Fence Failing but Convinced “Jewish Ingenuity” Will Find a Way to Stop Terror

ISL – Tel Aviv
IDF Chief of Staff Gabi Ashkenazi said to reporters today that the Army is disappointed at the way things have turned out, especially after Palestinians started launching long-range rockets.
“Our frustration with what has happened in the past two years since disengagement is quite understandable, especially since we had it on the highest authority – editorials in Haaretz for instance - that the fence will stop terror once and for all.”
Ashkenazi proceeded to outline several of the original ideas being looked at in the Science & Technology Division that "one way or the other" are sure to stop the Palestinian rockets:
“Our most promising idea, which is in advanced preliminary stages even as we speak, is an impenetrable shield that will deter any rocket aimed at it. The shield, made of 50 feet of reinforced concrete could be used to cover Israeli towns, shielding them forever from any and all attacks”.
Although the cost of covering every Israeli town with such a shield would be prohibitive, Ashkenazi said that in all likelihood, “it would be worth the resulting security, and desert cities like Sderot could do with the shade," said Ashkenazi.
Another promising direction of research is the “Tunnel Town”. In this scheme, Israeli towns will be moved hundreds of feet underground and so will be absolutely impervious to mortars or heavier weapons: "Eventually, the whole population of Israel could be moved underground, and there we will be safe forever!" said the Army Chief.
Finally, Ashkenazi introduced the astonishingly hi-tech “KARMNA System”, an offshoot of the Arrow project.

The system consists of dozens of military satellites targeted at the Palestinian held territories, and linked to ground forces equipped with Anti-Kasaam Air-to Air Multi-stage Tactical Nuclear Artillery (KAARMA). Theoretically, the system will be able to spot launches and intercept the incoming shells and rockets with tactical nuclear shots before they land on Israeli towns. Ashkenazi assured reporters that fallout isn’t a problem: “The citizens of Israel have survived Rabin and Barak and even Olmert so nuclear fallout should not be an issue,” said Ashkenazi.

Although any of the three ambitious projects would necessarily set the Israeli economy back a few decades, Ashkenazi ruled out the possibility of simply sending in the Army and forcibly preventing terror attacks: “ Violence doesn't solve anything," said Ashkenazi. "We know there is a better way to overcome this situation and we will find it, no matter what the cost!"

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1 comment:

Batya said...

Sometimes I think that the politicians and army are acting theatre of the absurd.