Israeli PM Ehud Olmert's announcement today that he had been diagnosed with the first stages of prostate cancer is being met with skepticism by his colleagues in parliament.
Opposition leader Netanyahu dismissed the announcement: "It's just like him to do a thing like this, "said Bibi, "He's in legal and political trouble up to his ears so he goes and makes up a sob story. Let me tell you something," Bibi said to reporters, "When he turns green and the rest of his hair falls out and when he starts to throw up in parliament like me and the people of Israel have been doing for the past two years, then I'll believe it. Maybe. Of course, if that turns out to be the case then I truly wish him well," Netanyahu added sweetly.
Other Knesset members expressed similar ideas.
"I have it on the highest authority that he visited the cancer ward frequently in order to catch the disease on purpose," said the brilliant Minister of Defense, Ehud Barak,
" There is simply no end to the cynicism of politicians these days or the lengths they'll go to get some sympathy," Barak added. "Objectively speaking, I believe that he should resign as soon as possible. It is for the best interests of the country and Olmert himself and just to make sure that a steady hand remains behind to guide the country, I volunteer to take his place." said the selfless leader.
MK Yehuda Zioni from the right-wing "Our House" party also suggested that this would be a good time to retire, "Before Olmert causes himself and this country any more embarrassment," said Zioni.
"He should hide away in shame for the rest of his wretched existence," said the MK who also expressed hope that Olmert suffers as much as the nation has suffered from his misrule, "Hopefully he will get leprosy and so will his wife and his anti-Zionist children. I pray that he will then lose all his ill-gotten gains in a futile attempt to effect a cure. With any kind of luck he will die a long, lingering, miserable death, penniless and alone," said the MK, "Of course, that said, and in the spirit of Jewish charity, I wish him well and hope he recovers from his illness."
On the other side of the political spectrum, Palestinian leaders expressed concern over the announcement. Thousands of Hamas followers took to the streets in a spontaneous outburst of sympathy to their beleaguered benefactor and Fatah leader Abu Mazen rushed to the hospital to express his deepest concern. Hizbullah chief, Nasrallah, dedicated his nightly sermon to the benign incompetence and charitable deeds of the Israeli PM.
In fact, the only people who seemed untouched by Olmert's predicament were the people who chose him.
One can only wonder why…