Sunday, October 28, 2007

Troubled Horse Source of Violence at Amona , Police Say

ISL – Jerusalem
Two years ago police forces attacked and injured scores of Jews in a violent and ultimately successful attempt to demolish their community at Amona.
The unprecedented level of brutality and violence rocked the nation and led to a flurry of lawsuits against individual policemen. In one of these trials the truth about Amona was finally revealed – Joshua Elliot, a troubled police horse with a record of violent behavior admitted to being at the root of the Amona disaster. According to his taped confession, Elliot disregarded direct orders both from the local police commander and from the horseman holding his reins and went on a crazed rampage of arbitrary destruction: First, Elliot famously and deliberately trampled a settler and then, grabbing a baton from one of his fellow policeman, proceeded to strike hundreds of settlers , wounding dozens. Elliot also attempted to incite other policemen to join in the fray. Fortunately, the human policemen chose not to behave like animals and, instead, stuck to police code. "Without exception they all displayed exemplary, professional behavior, refused to join in the violence and did their best to calm things down," said chief Levy, head of the investigating team.

Minutes after this new information was revealed, Elliot's lawyer, Dov Weisglass, protested the confession and declared that it was beaten out of his client and therefore inadmissible, "The police are animals," said Weisglass, "Elliot used to be a proud stallion but after this so-called investigation he has become a mere shadow of himself – his lips are all puffed up and he can barely talk"
Weisglass, who has made a career out of working with violent beasts, went on to describe a miserable horse – a horse with no job, no friends and no place to stay, " Elliot is a patsy, a scapegoat for police incompetence," accused Weisglass, saying that he had it "straight from the horses mouth."
However Elliot's friends say that he was always a troublemaker: "Back when we were foals, Elliot was always biting the hand that fed him," said his former stable-mate, David Greenberg, a veteran and esteemed police horse himself, currently serving as the commander of the Hebron Area, "We tried to talk some sense into him but what can you expect – he's just a horse."

Meanwhile, Elliot's wife, A house-mare named Sarah has filed for divorce, claiming that Elliot bit her on several occasions," He was always calling me names like 'nag' or 'hack', and this business with the settlers and the police – it was just the last straw," said the poor mare. Hopefully, she will be the last victim of Joshua Elliot, that monstrous horse and evil architect of the Amona expulsion.
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2 comments:

therapydoc said...

They laughed at Mr. Ed, too.

satiricohen said...

Thanks for dropping by!
I hope that doesn't mean they're giving this horse it's own TV show.
Although, come to think of it, he couldn't do that much worse than the current crop of talking heads...