Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Badly Dressed Palestinian Terrorists Threaten Annapolis, Army Says

ISL – Jerusalem
Army Chief Gabi Ashkenazy warned the government that badly dressed Palestinian terrorists, some of whom do not speak a word of English, are set to derail the upcoming Annapolis Summit, "We are seeing an increase in their attempts to murder Jews and thus sour the improving relationship between their sworn adversaries, the well-dressed, English speaking Palestinian terrorists and the Israeli Government," Ashkenazi reported .
Israeli PM, Ehud Olmert said that the government is well aware of the threat posed to the peace negotiations by reactionary Palestinian groups, "Their existence is one of the reasons we have decided to move ahead as quickly as possible with the current Palestinian leadership," said Olmert, "Sooner or later we will have to reach a deal with the Palestinians and it will be easier and better for Israel if we do so with Palestinian terrorists who wear three piece Armani suits and speak pretty good English," said Olmert, who also admitted that he found it easier to relate to the current leadership, "We have many common problems such as where to find good help these days or where to stash the cash we stole from our people," said Olmert.

Olmert also told reporters that he has ordered the Army to step up its efforts to locate and capture the uncouth terrorists who present a real threat, not only to Israel, but also to the whole of Western civilization, "Unfortunately, Israel is situated in the front of a historical battle between unshaved, soiled, straight-talking Palestinian genocidal terrorists, and clean, smooth-talking, English-speaking genocidal Palestinian terrorists," Olmert said, " This is a battle for our most basic values such as looking good in front a camera and

...ummm…other stuff."

In order to help the Army in its mission to save the peace summit, the government approved the release of 400 hundred terrorists, "Obviously, the more terrorists out there, the easier it will be for the army to find them," said Olmert, explaining the reasoning behind the baffling move.

Israeli negotiators , past and present, expressed support for the Government's stand against low-class terrorists and most agreed that dealing with polite, well-behaved murders and criminals such as Mahmoud Abbas, Muhammad Dahlan or Saeb Erekat is a pleasant experience compared to the alternatives, "Some Palestinian terrorists are notorious for not shaving for days, and even when they do they don't put on any decent aftershave," said Yossi Beilin with a shudder, " Some of them will come to a meeting dressed in dirty, threadbare jeans and of course, they can barely speak a word of English. Really, it makes you wonder of they are at all human!" said Beilin, who is a graduate of hundreds of hours of negotiations with unshaved Palestinians like the late Arafat: "Bottom line is, if you talk the talk and walk the walk, it doesn't matter how many people you killed, or how much money you embezzled from your nation – you're one of us," said the Israeli expert.

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