Thursday, November 8, 2007

Beitar Fan Confesses – "The Devil Possessed Me"

ISL-Jerusalem
Only days after leading the Beitar Jerusalem fans in booing during a moment of silence for St. Rabin, Shalom Mizrachi, a notorious, diehard fan, admitted that he was wrong, "I don't know what came over me," David said in a press conference at The Ministry of Peace headquarters,
"I was standing in silence like everyone else when all of a sudden, I saw Rabin signing the Oslo Accords and hugging Arafat. A picture came up of him giving guns to the Palestinians and immediately after that I had a vision of Jews, dying and wounded, hundreds and thousands of them, bleeding, and blasted into little pieces. I saw exploding buses, coffee-shops and pubs going up in flames, and all of a sudden, everything seemed so wrong to me. Rabin came to me in my vision - not the beautiful, divine, exquisitely sculptured Rabin we all know and love, " said David, "In my vision he had two horns and a pitchfork. He breathed dark flames of horror at me, and he kicked the ball into Israel's own goal! I booed and screamed and then I blacked out. I don't know what happened after that."

"Weak-minded, simple people and also the sick and elderly have been known to have such visions of the devil disguised as St. Rabin," said Bishop Yoni Barak, "but this is the first time in years that we have seen a mass, spontaneous outbreak of this disease.
"Treatment is simple enough," said the Bishop, " A good whipping is usually sufficient to banish the devil and make people come back to their senses. Sometimes a few days on the rack are needed to do the trick. David made a surprisingly quick recovery, but just to make sure he doesn't relapse he will remain with us for further treatment.
"Of course, here at the Ministry of Peace we abhor suffering and pain. All we want is to live in peace and quiet but alas, someone has to do the job, or else the country will be run over by heretics and Satanists and we will quickly slip back into The Dark Ages, before Rabin walked the earth and blessed us with his sublime Vision of Peace Everlasting."

Meanwhile Israel's foremost peace theologian and champion of human rights, Yossi Beilin, said that the behavior of Beitar fans is inexcusable,


"I don't care who saw what or why – such a public display of contempt for everything Good People stand for is unacceptable. This is why freedom of speech must be limited to those people who are able to use it responsibly."
Beilin said that he will propose a new law that will stop the abuse of the most basic of human rights, such as freedom of speech, by people who think differently, "We must protect the majority of upright citizens who love and cherish St. Rabin and the Doctrine of Everlasting Peace. Heretics, deviants, witches and Satan worshippers, like Beitar Jerusalem fans, will not be tolerated in our midst. I'm sure the Supreme Court will understand," Beilin said.

ISL is quite sure the Supreme court will understand perfectly well.

This Beitar fiasco reminds me of a great joke that used to be told about Soviet Russia:

"What is the difference between the Soviet constitution and the American one?"
Answer:
"The Soviet constitution guarantees freedom of speech and freedom of assembly.
The American constitution guarantees freedom of speech and freedom of assembly after speaking and assembling…"


Hatip
: Israel Jewish News

See also:
The Muqata who joins the Booing. There is a video which shows the booing - not for the weak-hearted! Scroll down to the comments which are good too.



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2 comments:

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Dr. ISL:

Howabout this? This "polite" Beitar fan criticized her fellows fans for booing, (and in return got the well wishes of Dalia Rabin).

movie 1

However, to see what a polite person she really is, it's best to see her at an actual game.

movie 2

satiricohen said...

At least she shaved before the game - you gotta give her credit for that.

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