Tuesday, November 6, 2007

New Peace Police to Protect Israelis From Reality

In preparation for Israel's coming announcement of True, Unilateral Peace, Everlasting and Sublime, between Israel and the Palestinians, the government is introducing a new, comprehensive Peace Law which will ensure that the new Peace will be kept, "Obviously extremists on both sides are going to try and derail the Unilateral Peace Process," said spokesman for the PM, Oded Barkat, "just like they did after the Oslo Accords were signed and ever since. But this time," the spokesman said, "we will be prepared."
The new law will establish a Ministry of Peace with its own "Peace Police" whose first mission will be to protect the public from any information contradicting the government's vision of a New Middle East: "One of the big mistakes made in the previous efforts to achieve True Peace was allowing the media to report each and every fatality," said Peres, who may become the country's first "Minister of Peace", "Obviously the endless parade of burning buses and depressing funerals caused the public to question the whole process," said Peres, "Which is why this must stop."

According to the new law, over-zealous reporters who insist on conveying such information to the public will be arrested and tried by special procedure in the new "Peace Courts" which will be established by the same law.
"For instance, the shelling of cities in the south of the country is really not something that the public should worry about and it gives them the exact opposite impression of Peace, In fact, to many people it looks like War," Peres said, "of course that is illegal or will be soon."
Talking about such anti-peace events in private will also be illegal. A network of informers will be constructed, headed by the Jewish Division in the Israel Security Service which will be moved to the new Ministry of Peace and renamed: "The Division for Peace and Security".
"We will have True Peace in this country if we have to spy on every god-damned Jew in the nation," Peres said,

"an informer for every worker is my new motto." (Hebrew link)

The new laws will also prevent scandals such as the ever dwindling, yet continuing coverage of right wing politicians, not to mention settlers, who tend to infect the public with their logical arguments and doomsday predictions which, until now, have proven invariably correct.

In fact, it is questionable if political parties to the right of Meretz will be allowed to exist, "This is a matter that the best legal minds in the country are looking into, " said Peres, "On the one hand, it may look undemocratic to abolish other parties, as wrong and as pig-headed as they may be, but on the other hand, democracy is such a small sacrifice to make for True Peace, isn't it?
"When all the news we see on the television will be good news, when we never hear a word about terrorism or bombing or people dying, when Jews and Arabs live peacefully with each other at long last – who will care if there is one party or ten? Who will care what they are allowed to say or not? Who will care that it is all an illusion, a pleasant, peaceful illusion, an illusion which we have worked so hard to achieve, sacrificed so much to gain, that we cannot let go of it now, so late in the game, no matter what the price?"

Israel to Declare Unilateral Peace at Annapolis Summit
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Anonymous said...

Good article, but too scary to be humorous. I lost trust in the Israeli government a long time ago, but I do not think they would be stupid enough to enforce an Orwellian society.

satiricohen said...

Well, we are half way there. Peace is giving guns to our sworn enemies, murdered Jews are victims of "peace,
up is down, black is white...
but there still is a great degree of freedom within these constraints.