New research published by the Israeli Democracy Institute reveals that the threat of Jews not hating themselves is growing daily in Israel – nearly a third of the population are religious and only twenty percent are secular according to the survey.
Israeli leaders, currently negotiating in Annapolis, admitted that these alarming numbers are a major reason for the renewed push to resume and hopefully finalize an agreement that would enable both sides, Arabs and Israelis, to join forces in dealing with self-loving Jews, "Who terrify all of us" as one source said.
"We can deal with an Iranian nuclear bomb, and another war with Hamas or Hizbullah or Syria is no big deal," said Israeli PM, Olmert, "What really worries me are Jews who terrorize whole subways with their teffilin, frighten our children with their side locks, and mumble unintelligible prayers to a God that no one has ever seen."
Unfortunately, Palestinian negotiators are failing to cooperate, "We don't know what those crazy Jews are talking about and frankly – we don't care," said Head of the Palestinian delegation, Abu-Kara, "As far as we are concerned, a Jew is a Jew, I mean, we know one when we see one- and then we kill it or at least try to."
"They know that time is running out for us in Israel," Olmert responded, "So they are giving us hell , I mean, obviously, anyone can tell the difference between a normal, enlightened human being and a Jew."
Back in Israel, former Supreme Justice Aharon Barak, the leading figure in the struggle of Enlightened Israelis against self-loving Jews said that the results of the survey do not surprise him, "I've been warning about this for years – the damn Joos are taking over the country - they're everywhere – the waiters in my favorite restaurant, the taxi drivers, even some of the clerks in the Justice department – they're all Joos! What is this country coming to?" asked Barak, wringing his hands saying, "Ma Yehiyeh?"
In the past, Israel has tried to combat the Jewish onset by commissioning various terrorist groups, most notably among them the Palestinian Fatah, to deal with the problem, but without much success.
"Unfortunately, our kids are wimps," said die-hard Enlightenment leader Benny Karnaf, "They should be out on the streets beating up them Joos and teaching them a lesson they'll never forget, for the sake of progress and human rights and everything that is dear to us in this country like eating seafood in a non-kosher restaurant in Jaffa on the Sabbath,"said Karnaf, "But they won't lift a finger for themselves or their parents or anybody else for that matter, and the older generation like me and Barak and Sharon – we're just too old to knock sense into the people – so we have to rely on the hired help to do the dirty work for us," said the Karnaf, "But you know how they are, I mean what can you expect from Arabs? Sure, they killed a few Joos, but they also killed hundreds of innocent Israelis – which was never part of the deal and you would think that after giving them so many guns and ammunition and truckloads of money they would do the job and then get lost but noooo – they had to start shooting each other up and now we're stuck with them and the god damn Joos ... I'll tell you this though," said the grizzled veteran, "My generation didn't build this country from scratch just so the Joos can have a place to pray three times a day, no sireee, if worst comes to worst we'll just close shop; we'll take everything we can with us, turn out the lights and leave for a better place."
The moral of the story: Even Jews who hate Jews are still Jews – it's inescapable (So really, why fight it?)
The Terrorizing Tefillin Tale - from My Right Word
Israel Becoming Less Secular - From INN
The Unthinkable Consequences of an Iran-Israel Nuclear Exchange - from Daniel Pipes weblog.