Friday, December 28, 2007

Ha'aretz Editor Is Trying to Get Olmert Raped

ISL – Jerusalem

Rape is in the air. First we reported the innovative research which proved scientifically, that Israeli soldiers are racist for not raping Arab women, and now we hear that the editor of Ha'aretz, David Landau is trying to arrange for Israel to get raped by the United States. Obviously, the editor's words were taken out of context – no country can actually rape another one. We take it that Landau was trying to arrange for Israel's leader, Prime Minister Olmert, to get raped by America's leader, President Bush upon his approaching visit to Israel.
As Daniel Pipes points out, such interference in the personal sex life of democratic leaders is unheard of, "Getting raped is an extremely private affair," said Dr, Pipes, "And it is usually spontaneous – hardly the sort of thing that should be arranged, even if it is done by a true friend of Israel like Landau."

Ha'aretz Editor, David Landau, did not deny this request but he did explain that it is only for the good of the country, "Someone has to rape Olmert before it is too late," explained Landau in his usual rational manner. Landau also added that several other cabinet members should get raped as well, "I asked that Livni, Barak, and Mofaz get raped too, if the President's schedule permits it," said Landau, who is still working on the list of individuals, organizations and sectors in Israel that have to be raped by America, "As long as President Bush is here we might as well have as many rapes as possible," said Landau, who reiterated that it is for the good of the country, "Rape is good for you, everybody knows that,"said Landau, "In fact, I would get raped myself if I wasn't allergic to it," said the editor of Ha'aretz.

Olmert said that he appreciates the efforts made by Israel's best friends to improve the relationships between Israel and America. Olmert said that such a favor has to be returned, "Allergies notwithstanding, I have invited the editors of the New York Times, the Chicago Tribune and Newsweek magazine to join Bush in his visit to Israel in order to gang rape the editor of Ha'aretz, said Olmert, "David Landau is a great friend of Israel and also a personal favorite of mine and I know for a fact that he deserves to get raped," said Olmert.

Unfortunately, the long list of eager rape candidates may have to wait. President Bush has said


that although he sincerely loves Israel and all of its leaders and cabinet ministers, he has a problem with using violence against his loved ones, "If I love someone I would much rather coddle them gently and make they sure they are safe and healthy and well-provided for," said Bush who was quick to reassure Israel's friends at Ha'aretz, "Of course that's just my own idiosyncrasies speaking," explained Bush, "To each his own is what I say and if some people prefer tough love than surely it is their right to do everything they can to get it for themselves or inflict it upon their loved ones."


Personally, I'm not sure that Israel will be able to handle so much tough love. The last time this happened, Clinton raped Rabin and we got saddled with their bastard love child – the Oslo Accords which we are still trying to kick out of our country.
Maybe we could just go back to writing beautiful love poetry. I mean haven't these people heard about the Song of Songs?

Related:
The original article from Daniel Pipes Weblog

Remember "Love is in the Air? A nice video is here. Love sure has changed since then, hasn't it?

Shabat Shalom!

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