Monday, December 31, 2007

ISL Special: In Which Ha'aretz Editor Explains Why Rape is Better Than Democracy


Following our report about the editor of the Israeli daily Ha'aretz calling for the rape of various individuals and organizations in Israel, we now present our follow up interview with said editor:

ISL: David, Ha'aretz is well-known for its aggressive stance on human rights so, like the rest of the country, I was quite surprised to hear that you are an advocate of rape. Can you explain that?
Ha'aretz editor: Gladly. First I want to clarify that I am against rape per se. Rape, as I understand it, is against the law and of course, like all of our readers I am a law abiding citizen, because without the law, we are lost. That said, there are certain circumstances in which rape is not only necessary but even beneficial to the receiver.
ISL: Such as?
Ha'aretz editor: Such as when confronted with people who simply refuse to do what is good for them, like the current Israeli government and, in fact, most of the Israeli people.
ISL: And the only possible solution is to rape everybody who disagrees with you?
Ha'aretz editor: Well, we did try persuading people at first, but that didn’t work too well. To tell the truth, we failed quite miserably, so I guess the answer to your question is yes, rape, under the circumstances, is inevitable.
ISL: Although it is a clear violation of human rights- which you support wholeheartedly.
Ha'aretz editor: Obviously we support human rights and that is always the number one item on our agenda. But frankly, you can hardly call these people human. In fact, as we see it, the people who oppose us, actually oppose everything that is right and just and beautiful in this world, so, in a way, haven't they forfeited their humanity? Can we really call them human? Or should we be calling them racist, fascist animals, worse than rats and snakes?
ISL: Should we?
Ha'aretz editor: Of course we should! After all, rats don't have free choice, they are what they are, but here we are talking about humans- or rather people who could have been human, who could have been free individuals and subscribe to Ha'aretz, get a degree in the humanities and vote Meretz, and despite that, despite the obvious advantages of such a choice, and the refined elegance and dignity of such a life – have rejected it. In fact, when you think about it – these people have brought it upon themselves – they are in fact raping themselves.
ISL: Yes. Well, spare me the details…what about democracy? Doesn't this kind of thinking run contrary to the ideal of a democratic Israel?
Ha'aretz editor: Democracy is the greatest political idea mankind has ever known. Ha'aretz is firmly committed to democracy and so are all of our staff and readers. There can be no questioning of that. However, democracy is also a flawed system, especially in Israel where democracy is greatly misunderstood.
ISL: Would you care to explain?
Ha'aretz editor: Many have been tricked into believing that democracy means rule of the people.
ISL: Of course it does. Doesn't it?

Ha'aretz editor: What people? Surely it doesn't mean all the people? That would be terrible! What democracy really means is that people who are normal people, people who know what's right, people like us – meaning, basically, people we can trust – these are people who should rule. In fact, we are the only people who can rule because we are the only ones who know what's right for this country – because, inherently, we are the people.
ISL: You and who else?
Ha'aretz editor: Colleagues, friends. Some family, although, to be sure, my son in law is a jack ass.
ISL: Well what about the elections? Don't they mean anything?
Ha'aretz editor: Who knows? They probably mean something to somebody. Elections are like the carnival in Rio de Janeiro. It's a country wide happening that envelopes everyone for months and lets the common people forget about their horrid lives and stupid meaningless jobs. Elections are really just a lot of harmless fun.
ISL: And the results – they too are meaningless?
Ha'aretz editor: Well, judging by the results in the last thirty years, they certainly should be.
ISL: You miss the elections of yesteryear?
Ha'aretz editor: Absolutely. Everything was so much neater then. People were nicer and much more polite and they voted exactly the way we told them. Votes were much cheaper to buy and much easier to arrange. Those were the days.
ISL: What happened to this democratic ideal?
Ha'aretz editor: The occupation, what else? People began getting ideas. Pride and self-confidence and dignity came out of nowhere like a plague. People didn't want to be told what to do. They started talking back to their superiors…It was a terrible time for democracy. And it still is.
ISL: That's so sad. But, let's get back to the future – what can be done now to save Israeli democracy and human rights?
Ha'aretz editor: Well, like I said rape is the beginning of the solution to all our problems.
ISL: If rape is just the beginning, I'm not sure I want to know the rest…
Ha'aretz editor: The worse you are sick, the more painful the cure is going to be. Any doctor will tell you that.
ISL: And that means…
Ha'aretz editor: That there are worse things than rape. As the poet once said: "Come grow old with me – the worst is yet to be!"
ISL: Oy!

In the photo: Ha'aretz editor explains his democratic vision

Ha'aretz Editor Is Trying to Get Olmert Raped

Update: just saw this good editorial at INN from Dr. Yitzhak Klein.
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mother in israel said...

We actually know some of this guy's relatives, and no way do they vote for Meretz.

satiricohen said...

I'm glad to hear it. so, i guess David is the black sheep of the family?
By the way - you are now officially friend of ISL - I added your link to the sidebar. I hope that's ok.