Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Exchange Rate of Jews and Palestinians Rises Sharply after Gaza Operations

ISL – Jerusalem

For the past 15 years, ever since the Oslo Peace Accords were signed, the exchange rate of Jews to Palestinians has been fixed at a stable 3.2 , meaning one dead Jew for approximately every three dead Palestinians – terms that both sides to the Accords have upheld despite the ups and downs in their relationship. But now, recent Israeli raids in the Gaza strip are rapidly changing the exchange rate and causing havoc with the Palestinian economy. At the time of this writing, the exchange rate is a shaky one dead Jew for every 4.8 dead Palestinians , down from 5.6 at the end of last week.

Since all salaries and goods in the Palestinian Authority are priced according to the exchange rate, the sudden fluctuations have literally brought the whole economy to a halt and are threatening to impoverish tens of thousands of terrorists and the families they support, "We get paid per dead Jew," said Abdallah Hamid, a Hamas employee, "The recent raids make it much more difficult to kill them while raising the price we have to pay to kill each Jew. In the final analysis, if the rate doesn't go down, no one will be able to afford this line of work anymore – and then what will do?"
According to analysts, the entire Palestinian economy is driven by the terrorist industry, which in turn drives the peace sector, the humanitarian aid sector, the drugs and gun running sector, and the sector of being a fourth generation refugee in your own country, "Any blow to the terrorist industry will impoverish hundreds of thousands of Palestinians," warned Eric Cohen, senior analyst at Mutual Independent funds, "With so many people out on the streets and out of a job, who knows to what desperate, violent lengths they will go to make a living?"

Humanitarian organizations are already on the alert, ready to intervene in the event that a crises breaks out, "Condemnations of Israeli brutality and inhumanly Nazi behavior have been prepared and all media outlets are at a standby to deliver the message," said a spokesman for Travesty International, the well-respected, impartial Human Rights group, which is also preparing emergency supplies of humanitarian aid to the hungry population, specifically, a few tons of that nutritious and delicious potassium nitrate.

The Security Council has already issued a pre-emptive resolution, condemning Israel for her barbaric acts of violence and calling for a complete cessation of hostilities and a withdrawal to the 2045 borders:

"The acts that Israel has committed/is committing/will commit are completely reprehensible and the Security Council unanimously condemns Israel for her crimes, whatever they are/will be/were and calls for a complete cessation of hostilities and an Israeli withdrawal to another time in history because we are sick of this charade as much as everybody else," said the announcement.

In Israel, MK Galon accused the government of purposely attempting to destroy the livelihood of the Palestinians, "Obviously, if they have nothing to lose, they will have no incentive to make peace or improve their conditions," warned Galon, "By attacking the terrorists, destroying their bases, killing their chiefs and disarming them, the Israeli government is leaving the Palestinians no choice but to become terrorists," explained Galon, "After all, everyone knows that violence is not a solution."

Funny, isn't it, how the phrase "Violence is never a solution" always applies to Israeli actions but never to her enemies. I wonder why…hmmm....Nope, I can't think of any reason. Can you?

Palestinians Like Some Bang With Their Coffee

Israel is actually defending it's citizens? Inconceivable! From INN.

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Batya said...

from a CPA's daughter

satiricohen said...

Glad you liked it, Batya!

Shimon said...

Of all the many cutting and incisive pieces on this blog, this is by far the best.
I have mixed feelings when I read your work: sure I laugh, but sometimes I recall the stories of Jews in the concentration camps singing psalms on their way to the gas chambers. I wonder whether we are laughing on the way to our own oblivion.

satiricohen said...

Believe me, I sooo understand you!
In fact, I began writing these satire pieces because I couldn't stand the crying, the helplessness.
I said to myself - at least I can laugh at everything and that is something too, isn't it? It is a little light to banish the darkness, I think.

Are we laughing ourselves to death?
I don't know. Reality is so different than what is portrayed in the media that it is really hard to tell if we are going forward or backwards!

Personally I have great faith so I am not too worried.
Perhaps many more people will die but I think Israel will come through.
Sodom could have been saved if there was one righteous man, and in Israel there are literally thousands, so I feel there is hope still.