Monday, January 7, 2008

Israeli Peace Movement Set to Replace Deserting Palestinian Leadership (edited)

ISL – Jerusalem
The Palestinian leadership, handpicked and chosen by the Israeli Peace Movement two decades ago in order to best represent the interests of the Palestinian nation is now deserting ship – this, according to a report by the knowledgeable Danny Rubinstein from Ha'aretz, that bastion of rape in the Israeli media.
Well-known Palestinian leaders such as Nabil Sha'at, Mohammed Dahlan and Hassan Asfour who negotiated the Oslo Accords with Israel have now moved their families abroad and barely bother to even visit their homeland, "Life in Palestine sucks," said Sha'at in a recent interview, "It was good while it lasted but most of us are sick of the charade - there is no Palestinian nation and never was," admitted Sha'at, "We were just hired to play the part by the Israeli Palestinian Liberation Organization (IPLO)."

Needless to say this is a terrible blow to the large Israeli umbrella organization, the IPLO, who sponsored the Palestinian nation and its leadership and initiated the Oslo Accords, shoving them down the throat of unwilling Israelis and Palestinians.
Of course, the Israeli leaders of the movement were quick to condemn Sha'at and his comrades, "Sha'at is a disgrace to all Palestinians," said Yossi Beilin, a longtime senior leader in the IPLO, "He is a liar and a traitor to his people and will be dealt with accordingly." Beilin said that the IPLO will establish a tribunal for crimes against the Palestinian people to deal with what he called


"Weak links in the Israeli-Palestinian chain of Peace, Freedom and Human Rights."

Meanwhile, leaders of the IPLO were scurrying to salvage the wreckage of the Palestinian national movement that they established at great cost years ago. ISL has learned that it was decided in an urgent meeting held in the top- secret IPLO Command Center in the Knesset cafeteria that it would send its best and brightest leaders to take over the leadership of the Palestinian nation in view of the incompetence of the Palestinians, "It saddens me to admit this," said Beilin, "But it seems the Palestinians can't do anything by themselves except kill Jews – which is fine as far as it goes," said Beilin, "But what about nation building? What about the institutions? How about a Kupat Holim or a Kibbutz?"

It was decided that Beilin, together with a staff of two hundred bright young Israeli paper shufflers, will move into the Ramallah compound immediately and start organizing the next phase in the establishment of a free Palestinian country. This was also the real reason why Beilin dropped so suddenly and with no apparent motive from the Meretz leadership race.
According to ISL sources the move will be made within the week, just in time for Bush's visit to the area. This way, Beilin will be able to present his new plan for Peace Now and the establishment of a Free Palestinian State within the next six months in front of a world-wide audience.

However, despite the upbeat media bytes emanating from the Israeli Peace Camp, significant questions still remain: Will the Palestinians accept Beilin's leadership? What will the current leader Mahmoud Abbas have to say about it? Will the Hamas surrender Gaza to Beilin?
Surprisingly, the answer to these provocative question may actually be affirmative.

A quick trip to Ramallah by ISL correspondent turned up many positive responses, "All Arabs are thieves and nobody in his right mind would trust them," said one shopkeeper who yearns for a Jewish leader for his people or at least for his town. Others said that the only thing that could save Palestine is a Jewish President. When we mentioned the name "Yossi Beilin" their eyes lit up. Apparently, Beilin is known in Palestinian territories as "Abu Oslo" and he is highly regarded, "He is the only one who will stick with the Palestinians through thick and thin," was the general tone of the comments in Ramallah and it seems that his reception there will be no less grand than that of his predecessor and mentor, Yasser Arafat.

Meanwhile, in Israel, the possible advent of a Hebrew speaking Israeli to the Palestinian leadership is raising high hopes for peace, "Yossi, I mean Abu Oslo, is a good friend," said Israeli PM Ehud Olmert, "He is a tough negotiator and no doubt he will drive a hard bargain for his people but I am sure we will manage to work things out as we always have in the past."

Middle East experts are optimistic as well, noting that for the first time in twenty years the Israeli and Palestinian leaderships will be speaking the same language, "One would hope that they will finally be able to understand each other," said renowned expert Daniel Pipes, "Because clearly, until now, they have utterly failed to do so."

Finally, the world begins to make sense!

Related:
The original article from Ha'aretz. Very interesting. No doubt, Danny knows his stuff, but like every leftist he has an incredible blind spot that simply does not allow him to reach the logical conclusion from his own information: What manner of national movement rises and falls within decades? Wouldn't such a phenomenon indicate that it is a largely artificial one? I think it is reasonable to at least consider it instead of jumping to the conclusion that - you guessed it- unless Israel agrees to whatever the Palestinians want then there is no hope for the Palestinian national movement. Why Israel should care, one way or the other is beyond me. Shouldn't we be worrying about taking care of our own, first? You know, Sderot, Ashkelon...the settlers in and out of the green line?
Anyway, read the whole thing, it's worth it.



Follow IsraelSatireLab on Twitter

2 comments:

Batya said...

You are <b>Winner</b> of Caption Contest #1

satiricohen said...

Thanks Batya, I commented there.