Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Palestinians Like Some Bang With Their Coffee

ISL – Gaza

The Palestinians have proven to be quite a rowdy bunch – always beating people up or killing them in some grisly manner, and their concept of the suicide bomber – the Palestinians' sole contribution to human culture - has even become world famous. So it comes with no surprise to hear that they have replaced the staple of sugar with potassium nitrate, a chemical used in making bombs. This was discovered a few days ago when IDF troops found the explosives in sacks marked "Sugar from the European Community".

The Palestinians immediately explained that, for them, potassium nitrate is indeed sugar, "How else do you think we make our human bombs?" said Minister of Health and Suicide Bombers, Ibrahim Nafak, "The Ministry recommends a daily dose of two spoonfuls a day of explosive chemicals for every Palestinian child, and twice that amount for grown ups," said Mr. Nafak.
The list of approved and recommended chemicals by the Ministry includes nitric acid, sulfuric acid, nitroglycerin and hexamine, all basic chemicals in the manufacture of explosives and part of the daily diet of every Palestinian since the Oslo Peace Accords were signed in 1993. Their use has become so common that today, it is considered unpatriotic to have sugar with your coffee or tea, "Why use sugar, which is expensive and bad for your teeth when you can fill yourself up with some good, wholesome nitric acid?" explained the Minister,

"Palestinian women have learned how to make excellent cakes using potassium nitrate and the children love them."
The ubiquitous coffee shops and their customers have learned to appreciate the bitter-sweet taste of sulfuric acid and the rumbling after effects of tea laced with nitroglycerin, "We call it Intifada tea," said Mr Khalil, owner of a large coffee shop in Gaza, "Because it causes so much unrest in your stomach."
"By the age of fifteen, the average Palestinian has imbibed several kilos of explosive material and is completely ready to be a suicide bomber, if he hasn't died already from all these chemicals," said Mr. Nafak, "Then, all we do is hand them a detonator and point them in the right direction," said the Minister, "And Allah, Bless Him and His Prophet Muhammad, do the rest."

In Israel, the government immediately apologized for the misunderstanding, "For years we have been under the impression that these chemicals were used in manufacturing explosives – we had no idea they are part of the native Palestinian diet," said a Foreign ministry spokesman, who promised that from now on, Israel will expedite all shipments of chemical food materials, "I know that if someone would deprive me of my daily sugar fix I would go crazy," said the spokesman, "So it is no wonder they hate us so much."

Well, I'm glad we cleared that up, you know, because these small misunderstandings can really come back to haunt you...

Related:
The original post from the Jpost

"Arafat sets up factory of explosives" A short post from Facts of Israel. Old, but not old enough to be irrelevant, unfortunately.

Lemon Lime Moon on the same subject is apparently not an admirer of the European Union...



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