Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Suicide Lecturer Kills 3, Injures 35 in Jerusalem Bombing

ISL – Jerusalem
A suicide lecturer blew himself up in a Jerusalem coffee shop yesterday, killing 3 and injuring dozens. Although Israel has known suicide attacks before, this is the first time that a senior lecturer has been directly involved in one. A new organization calling itself "The United Lecturers Front" (ULF) took responsibility for the bombing saying that it was done to protest the horrible neglect of higher education by the Israeli Government.

Senior lecturers have been on strike for nearly three months demanding a raise in pay and improved conditions of labor. The Government as well as the Treasury have refused to meet the lecturers demands and the Prime minister, Ehud Olmert, even swore that he would not give in to the lecturer's "threats and intimidation."

Spokesman for the ULF said that they are protesting the ineffectual leadership of the current Professor's Union as well as the interminable and ultimately pointless negotiations with the government: "The Israeli Government will only recognize force," said the spokesman, "And until we show that we are willing to use violence to achieve a just and lasting solution to the crisis in Israeli higher education, the Government will not take us seriously."

Prime Minister Olmert reacted to the bombing by repeating that he would not bow to any pressure "And most certainly not to acts of wanton aggression." Olmert sent his condolences to the stricken families and promised that his Government would not tolerate any kind of violence on the part of Israel's leading intellectuals, "They have crossed the red line," said Olmert, "And we will deal with these intellectual goons as harshly as possible." Although, in line with Israel's current policy regarding protection of the country's citizens, Olmert did not detail exactly what measures the government will take.

But the Prime minister did commit himself to solving the crisis with the lecturers as soon as possible, "Before the situation deteriorates further." Olmert said that as a result of the new policy, negotiations will be taken over by the experts in the Foreign Office, "They have ample experience in solving violent disputes that at first glance seem beyond repair," Olmert assured the horrified public.

Israeli politicians aired their views: MK Galon, leader of the Meretz Party said that the lecturers were goaded into this act of violence by the government's insensitive educational policies. Leader of the Labor Party and Minister of Defense, Ehud Barak, said that if he were a lecturer he would do the same thing,

"Obviously, due to the terrible conditions they are forced to live in, anyone one would feel and do the same thing," said Barak, "The violent lecturers are just a product of their environment."

The United Lecturers Front also published the name of the suicide bomber: Professor Nadav Cohen, from the Department of Revisionist History in the Hebrew University. Nadav was known for his outspoken stance toward the criminal Zionist state and he worked tirelessly to repair the injustices that Israel's existence has caused. According to his colleagues, the deteriorating conditions of the senior lecturers pushed him over the edge, "The prospect of a reduced paycheck, a smaller office and a higher workload all contributed to his fragile and sensitive state of mind," said the Department Head, "Apparently, when he realized that the strike was going nowhere he decided to take the law into his own hand. Personally, I can't say that I blame him."

Neither can I. Obviously, if we have learned anything from the Oslo Peace Process it is that the only way to solve a problem is to kill other people, preferably Jews, isn't it? Or did I misunderstand?


The latest on this miserable, annoying strike from INN.

World-Wide Anti-Israeli Efforts Slowing Down Due to Senior Lecturer's Strike

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