Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Super Bowl XLII Logo Offends Muslims, Sparks Terrorism

ISL – New York
American football, the most popular sport in the United States, is also the most recent cultural institution to find itself under attack by Muslim groups, who now claim that the inclusion of Roman numerals in the logo is offensive to Muslim sensibilities: "Including pagan numerals in a public event is extremely insensitive," said former terrorist and human rights attorney attorney, Amir Mahmoud from CAIRE, "And it is just another example of the continuing humiliation of Muslims in America and the whole world."

Indeed, the logo fiasco has even reached Gaza, where Sheikh Abu-Talul, Head of the Islamic Mujaheedin took time out from killing Israeli citizens in order to express his great discomfort from the logo, "God be praised, I love American football," said the Sheikh, "But, like everything American, it is corrupt and must be cleansed. Changing the logo is our first goal."
The Sheikh has issued a Fatwa forbidding Muslims to watch the Super Bowl unless the logo is changed and encouraging followers of the true faith to disrupt the broadcast and the game itself in any way possible, " At this moment in history, Super Bowl 42 presents the greatest threat to our vastly superior Muslim culture and it must be stopped by all means," said the Shiekh.

Sheikh Abu-Talul added that he hopes to start a football team in Gaza after the current crises is solved, with slight modifications, "Instead of body armor, our Shaheeds will wear their suicide belts and they will attack the enemy defense with their knives and guns. The last team standing will be the winner!"
The Sheikh said that the American custom of not killing people during the game seems odd, "The game is like a battle, except for that small detail which the stupid Americans have left out,' said the Sheikh, who hopes to make a name for himself as a head coach.

Professor Jane Hedgecock from the Institute for the Research of Islamic Sensibilities (IRIS) said that such cultural misunderstandings could have been avoided with the proper consultation,

"Here at the Institute we have compiled a massive list of things that are known to offend Muslims, so there is no reason that a prominent institution like American Football should stumble accidentally into the minefield of Muslim sensibilities."
Prof. Hedgecock said that by the end of the year it will issue the first volume of its ground breaking "Encyclopedia of Islamic Sensibilities". The first volume will concern itself with all offenses to Islam starting with the letter "A" such as "Americans", "Apostle", "Apocalypse", "Aruba" and so on.
If everything goes according to plan, all 26 volumes will be published within the next ten years, with updates issued regularly, "Within a decade, every American will know exactly what do in order not to offend Muslims," promised Professor Hedgecock.

Of course, this great project does not solve the current situation.
In order to do this, the NFL spokesman has already apologized profusely to all Muslim nations and it is rumored that Commissioner Roger Goodel himself will fly this week to Saudi Arabia in order to plead the NFL case before the Monarch and Holder of the Key to Mecca, King Faisal, "It was all an innocent misunderstanding," said the red-eyed Commissioner, "Obviously, the last thing we want to do is to offend one billion Muslims who could, one day, be one billion football lovers."

As a first step towards reconciliation with this violent but sensitive community, the NFL will immediately change the Super Bowl logo, replacing the pagan numerals with devout Arabic ones, "Nobody is forcing us to do this," clarified an NFL spokesman, "It is just a measure of our dedication to minority rights, in this case the minority of one billion Muslims"
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