Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Can Flying Pigs Save Sderot?

ISL – Sderot

In a last ditch effort to save the desert city of Sderot, the beleaguered inhabitants have decided to take matters into their own hands, "It is obvious that the Israeli government cannot or will not help us, so we are on our own," concluded Mayor Eli Moyal.
The city, which enjoys the overwhelming support of Israelis and Jews around the world, except for the Israeli government itself, is now examining cost-effective ways of combating the daily terror from Gaza.

One idea that came up in the town meetings is to build giant catapults that will fling pigs into the Gaza Strip. The animals are considered unclean by Moslems and may deter them from continuing the attacks, "If for every rocket they launch, a pig will land on their heads, maybe they will think twice," said the mayor.

Another idea has been to hire an Arab gang of thieves and murderers in order to combat the Palestinian terrorists residing in Gaza, "No one cares if Arabs kill each other so this would be an ideal solution to our problem," said Mr. Moyal, "The only problem is that for the past decade or so the Israeli government has cornered the market on violent, blood-thirsty Arabs, arming them, training them and paying them exorbitant sums of money so that they will protect Israel from violent, blood-thirsty Arabs."
Moyal said that the new city-state of Sderot cannot afford to match the funds that such gangs receive,

"If the most experienced and reliable gang in this field, the Fatah, can charge billions of dollars for their services, than even the most unreliable, low life, pathetic Arab gang of incompetent murderers will ask for, and receive, a princely sum."

At the moment, a cheaper alternative and a more feasible one may be to hire a Marine Corps battalion to do the job, "Considering how quickly the Americans dismantled the Iraqi Army, it would probably take a small force of Marines no more than a week to disrupt the small terrorist operation in Gaza," said a municipal security expert.
The cost of hiring such a battalion for a week is prohibitive but is still less than the cost of hiring Arab criminals to protect Sderot.

Mayor of Sderot said that the city will begin a world-wide fund-raiser in an attempt to raise the 250 million dollar down payment required to engage the services of the Marine battalion, "If the Jewish people unite and open their hearts and pockets, the Jews in Sderot will finally have a defense force," said the Mayor, "After thousands of years in the Diaspora it will be like a dream come true, even if it will only be for one week: The age-old picture of a harassed, defenseless Jew will be replaced by a proud, valiant, American Marine."

Meanwhile, in Jerusalem, Prime Minister Olmert reacted with approval to the Sderot Campaign, "Personally, I don't blame them," said Olmert, "I just wonder what took them so long. After all, isn't it about time they stopped kvetching and took their fate into their own hands? " asked the Prime Minister.
"I am glad that they finally realized that Israel cannot be a nanny state forever. The government has a lot of things to do besides defending citizens from foreign armies. I mean, sometimes the people just have to do some things for themselves, such as defend themselves from existential threats."

Olmert also admitted that the apparent secession of Sderot was a relief, "The city was becoming a serious embarrassment to me and my government, so I'm really happy the Sderot nightmare is over,' said Olmert, "And I sincerely wish them success in their struggle to survive. In fact, just to show everybody that there are no ill feelings between the Israeli Government and Sderot, I am willing to personally pledge one thousand shekels from my own personal, government expense account for the noble and just cause of defending the city."

Sigh. With this kind of government, who needs enemies?

'Let's make our own rockets' from the Jpost. Under the circumstances, not so far-fetched, is it?

Correlating Palestinian Aid and Homicides 2000-2007 amazing article from CAMERA. You'll never guess the direction of the correlation...

The world's most astute Middle Est analyst on the same subject: Fund the Palestinians? Bad Idea.

Israeli Government Hits Palestinians with Harsh Concessions After Sderot Attack

Follow IsraelSatireLab on Twitter


Gila said...

I like the flying pigs idea. Kinda monty-pythonish, no?

satiricohen said...

Glad you enjoyed it.

I don't remember something like that from Monty Python.
The scene closest to my mind is in the Holy Grail, when the rabbit flies around chopping down everyone.

David said...

Well I happen to live in a kibbutz in the western Negev and still no flying pigs at sight...

The folks in sderot are pretty conservative so I'm sure if such an idea will materialize,us secular pig-eating kibbutznikim will do it,and still Sderot will get all the attention,as usual...

PS:Speaking of the holy grail,don't forget the scene with the Frenchman shooting cows towards King Arthur.

PS2:And BTW,brilliant website,I'll link it to my blog

satiricohen said...

Welcome, David.

I don't recall the flying cows scene. I guess I'll have to see the movie again.

Thanks for dropping by and linking - I'll add your blog to my links as well.

It sounds like you have Sderot envy. Why would you have that?

In any case, you have all my sympathy. If it was up to me, you would not have to endure the shelling at all.The price they would pay would be too high for them to continue.

But as Jews who are used to getting murdered we still have a long way to go until we accept our right to live normally - which includes vigorously defending ourselves from our enemies and also - defeating them.
2000 years in the Diaspora can't disappear into thin air.

David said...

Thanks for linking as well and thanks for the sympathy,the case is that the whole western negev suffers the bombings but the media and the public perception focuses mainly (if not only) on Sderot. Areas like Shaar Hanegev (where my kibbutz, Mefalsim, is) or Sdot Negev regional councils are mostly just brief blips on the radar...

satiricohen said...

Since the government is not defending anyone, neither Sderot nor the periphery, I don't see that it matters that much.

But I will do my part - I already added your blog and if you want to suggest others that blog from the area I will add them too.
Personally, I am very interested to hear first-hand what is going on.

I remember Kerem Shalom and how quiet and peaceful it used to be.
Of course, that was before we gave our enemies guns and immunity.

We will have to fight fiercely in order to achieve that kind of tranquility again.

Anonymous said...

actually the IDF already used flying pigs:
see howard blum: the gold of exodus for the story
unbelievable, but many things he says has been confirmed,