In a last ditch effort to save the desert city of Sderot, the beleaguered inhabitants have decided to take matters into their own hands, "It is obvious that the Israeli government cannot or will not help us, so we are on our own," concluded Mayor Eli Moyal.
The city, which enjoys the overwhelming support of Israelis and Jews around the world, except for the Israeli government itself, is now examining cost-effective ways of combating the daily terror from Gaza.
One idea that came up in the town meetings is to build giant catapults that will fling pigs into the Gaza Strip. The animals are considered unclean by Moslems and may deter them from continuing the attacks, "If for every rocket they launch, a pig will land on their heads, maybe they will think twice," said the mayor.
Another idea has been to hire an Arab gang of thieves and murderers in order to combat the Palestinian terrorists residing in Gaza, "No one cares if Arabs kill each other so this would be an ideal solution to our problem," said Mr. Moyal, "The only problem is that for the past decade or so the Israeli government has cornered the market on violent, blood-thirsty Arabs, arming them, training them and paying them exorbitant sums of money so that they will protect Israel from violent, blood-thirsty Arabs."
Moyal said that the new city-state of Sderot cannot afford to match the funds that such gangs receive,
"If the most experienced and reliable gang in this field, the Fatah, can charge billions of dollars for their services, than even the most unreliable, low life, pathetic Arab gang of incompetent murderers will ask for, and receive, a princely sum."
At the moment, a cheaper alternative and a more feasible one may be to hire a Marine Corps battalion to do the job, "Considering how quickly the Americans dismantled the Iraqi Army, it would probably take a small force of Marines no more than a week to disrupt the small terrorist operation in Gaza," said a municipal security expert.
The cost of hiring such a battalion for a week is prohibitive but is still less than the cost of hiring Arab criminals to protect Sderot.
Mayor of Sderot said that the city will begin a world-wide fund-raiser in an attempt to raise the 250 million dollar down payment required to engage the services of the Marine battalion, "If the Jewish people unite and open their hearts and pockets, the Jews in Sderot will finally have a defense force," said the Mayor, "After thousands of years in the Diaspora it will be like a dream come true, even if it will only be for one week: The age-old picture of a harassed, defenseless Jew will be replaced by a proud, valiant, American Marine."
Meanwhile, in Jerusalem, Prime Minister Olmert reacted with approval to the Sderot Campaign, "Personally, I don't blame them," said Olmert, "I just wonder what took them so long. After all, isn't it about time they stopped kvetching and took their fate into their own hands? " asked the Prime Minister.
"I am glad that they finally realized that Israel cannot be a nanny state forever. The government has a lot of things to do besides defending citizens from foreign armies. I mean, sometimes the people just have to do some things for themselves, such as defend themselves from existential threats."
Olmert also admitted that the apparent secession of Sderot was a relief, "The city was becoming a serious embarrassment to me and my government, so I'm really happy the Sderot nightmare is over,' said Olmert, "And I sincerely wish them success in their struggle to survive. In fact, just to show everybody that there are no ill feelings between the Israeli Government and Sderot, I am willing to personally pledge one thousand shekels from my own personal, government expense account for the noble and just cause of defending the city."
Sigh. With this kind of government, who needs enemies?
'Let's make our own rockets' from the Jpost. Under the circumstances, not so far-fetched, is it?
Correlating Palestinian Aid and Homicides 2000-2007 amazing article from CAMERA. You'll never guess the direction of the correlation...
The world's most astute Middle Est analyst on the same subject: Fund the Palestinians? Bad Idea.
Israeli Government Hits Palestinians with Harsh Concessions After Sderot Attack