Thursday, February 21, 2008

Israel calls Iran "Mutant Virus", Iran Threatens to Launch Giant Loogie

ISL – New-York

Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert went on the record yesterday, calling Iran "A mutant virus injected into the Middle East by Bug-Eyed Monsters from outer-space."
Olmert, who is usually mild-mannered, if not meek, responded to the crass verbal attack by Iran's President Ahmadinejad who, earlier this week, called Israel "A filthy bacteria". Olmert also ordered the Foreign Ministry to deploy its forces and prepare for imminent battle, "We are preparing for the worst possible language," said Olmert.

Israeli citizens were warned to carry their earplugs with them in case of an actual attack, although, according to the Home Front Command, more than a million Israelis were left with defective ear plugs after a year-long drive to renew them was halted due to budget cuts. The HFC warned that in case of an all out Verbal War between the countries, hundreds of thousands of Israelis will suffer injuries to their sensibilities if a solution is not found in time, "Somehow a way must be found to protect innocent civilians from hearing this kind of filth," said Head of the HFC, Commander Ofir.

Meanwhile, in New York, Israeli ambassador to the U.N. , Danny Gillerman, accused the Iranians of stealing his lunch box,


"I had it right here beside me at the start of the session," said Gillerman, who lodged a lengthy and detailed complaint with the Head Master, Ban Ki-Moon "This is not the first time stuff has happened," said Gillerman. "Last week I bought a football to the session so we could all play at the break but that too was stolen."

Israeli Foreign Minister, Tzipi Livni, who rushed to New York to coordinate Israel's Verbal Defense Effort, revealed that the Iranian Ambassador , Jahnoun Ahbaladai, pulled her hair twice already since she arrived, "It hurt and I also had to go back and fix it up each time," said Livni who lodged a separate complaint with Principal Ban-Ki Moon.
Head Master Moon said that he will summon parents from both sides to his office to clear the matter up, "I am sorry that his come to this," said Moon, "But I have no choice – the children simply will not listen to reason."

In Iran, President Ahmadinejad announced that Iran is preparing the biggest loogie the world has ever seen and that it will hurl it at Israel in response to its violations of international law and just for the fun of it, "We are not aliens and we not viruses," said the President, "And Olmert is nothing but an old, tired windbag full of puss."
In response, Olmert said that Israel is not afraid of loogies, "Israel is well-prepared for any threats from loogies and boogers," said Olmert, who called the Iranian President "A retarded monkey, who cannot even peel his own bananas."
Iran immediately issued a response saying, "It takes one to know one." After which Olmert stuck out his tongue and made a face. Ahmadinejad leered right back. Olmert then said that Ahmadinejad's behavior is childish. Ahmadinejad said:
"Not so," to which Olmert replied:
"Yes so."
"Not so."
"Yes so."
"Not so."
"Yes so."
"Not so."
"Yes so."
"Not so."
"Yes so."
"Not so."
"Yes so."
"Not so."
"Yes so."

Yep, these are our leaders.

Which makes me wonder – what is a bigger embarrassment: to have the pasty- looking, imbecilic, grasping Olmert as your Prime Minister or that crude, racist, maniacal buffoon Ahmadinejad as President?
What do you think? And did you get the BEM reference?


Related:
Ahmadinejad: "Israel filthy bacteria" - from the Jpost. Yes, he really did say that!

Iran Declares Rhetoric Red Alert as Olmert Issues Threats
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