Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Olmert: Big in Japan - and Staying There!

ISL – Tokyo

Olmert will not be returning to Israel after his four day visit to Japan,
sources close to him have said to ISL. As it turns out, the visit was originally planned as an intensive job-hunting, 4-day interview and fact-finding trip which, it seems, was quite a success. According to sources close to the Israeli PM, Olmert plans to retire from his position as head of the Israeli government and will start a second career in Japan as a political geisha . Apparently, Olmert discovered during his visit that he has a unique ability to entertain Japanese officials with his tales of politics in the Middle East, "The Japanese Cabinet enjoyed Olmert's appearance immensely, especially when he told then how he won the last elections," said one source, "They were on their knees, laughing at his outrageous stories."

Olmert also has the added benefit of being a skilled and experienced political whore so that he will be able to offer a whole range of services to Japan's political and business elite, "The Japanese people are still very naïve about political corruption and Olmert has a lot to teach them," said one source, "And as an old decrepit, round-eyed foreigner he presents a unique if somewhat grotesque attraction."

Israelis of course will be relieved to find out that their incompetent Prime-Minister will now be leaving the country for good but some questions still remain. For instance – why now? And also – will his family be joining him in Japan? According to our sources, the two questions are connected:

It seems that lately Olmert has been telling people close to him that he feels that his days of destroying Israel are over, "I've done everything in my power to ruin the country but it seems that I have reached the end of the line," Olmert was heard saying. This may have something to do with the expected rejection of the proposed withdrawal-compensation law, authorizing the government to summarily destroy the lives of hundreds of thousands of Jews living in Judea and Samaria. Political observers are speculating that if Olmert is not able to carry out his plan to turn the West Bank over to Palestinian terrorists, he would prefer to retire. Sources close to the family say that Olmert's move to Japan may split the close-knit anti-Israeli clan , with Olmert's wife joining him in Tokyo and his kids staying in the country, believing, perhaps idealistically (kids!), that their presence and activities will help bring about the demise of the hated Zionist state.

But, as mentioned, all this is based on speculation and unconfirmed rumors. In our view, the real reason is probably this: only in Japan will Olmert's fantasy world coincide, at long last, with the real world and he will finally and truly become what he has always wanted to be - a giant among men.
After all, it's his only chance, isn't it?

Olmert in Japan from INN

Barak's Evacuation-Compensation Law and its expected (hopefully) demise.

Olmert's anti-Zionist family – a brief discussion and links from My Right Word: Should Olmert's Family Be An Issue?

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