Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Letters that Sarah Netanyahu Should Have Written

A week and a half ago, the Israeli government implemented its decision to deport families of illegal immigrants. Being families, the move also included deporting children. Apparently, the sight of children being banished from their temporary homes in a foriegn country was too much for PM Netanyahu's wife, Sarah, who wrote a letter. The stupid, soppy, sentimental letter was addressed to the cold-hearted Minister of Interior, Eli Yishai, who is willing to sacrifice his public image, in order to try to preserve the Jewish character of the...Jewish state. The letter was widely publicized, and caused quite an uproar. This got us to thinking, surely there must be other letters that Sarah Netanyahu could have written. Here a few suggestions (please note the dates - some of these letters are old):

August, 2011
Dear Eli Yishai,
I understand that you are about to implement the government's decision regarding the deportation of illegal immigrants. I am sure that it pains you to deport children who have lived here for several years and consider Israel their second home, victims of their parents illegal acts and manipulations. As a psychologist, let me be the first to to tell you that I appreciate the pressure you are under from the media and other anti-Zionist organizations to let these gentiles stay and become Israeli citizens. Let me also be the first to tell you: I stand by your side in your efforts to maintain Israel's Jewish character - after all, we do have only one country to live in.
Thank you,

Of course, such a letter would probably have landed Sarah in jail (see the recent case of Israeli Sephardi singer, Margol, who spoke against the social protests).

Let's try another letter:

July 2005
Dear Husband,
Today you voted in favor of the Disengagement. You did this even though you know for a fact that the cost to Israel, in economic, spiritual, and security terms is immeasurable. You voted in favor even though the Disengagement represents everything you have ever opposed: it is a cruel, anti-Zionist, anti-Semitic act, committed by a Prime Minister trying at all costs to avoid a criminal trial. It is by all counts, a terrible decision, which, as you have said many times, we will all live to regret. Still, you voted in favor. Why?
Because you are a coward. Because you are a liar. Because you are a hypocrite. Because you hold no principles more dear than tomorrow's headlines.
Living with you is like living on a sea of shifting moral quicksand; I never know when a pit of immorality will open up and swallow me.
Therefore I am leaving you to your miserable, petty, political calculations and to your public image, whom you love more than your wife, your children, and your people - the people of Israel.
Bibi, you disgust me.

And another:

August 2005
Dear Ariel ,
I turn to you as a mother of  two young sons and a psychologist in the public service. From the depths of my heart, I beg you to reconsider the inhuman decision you have taken and allow the 3000 children in Gush Katif to remain  in their own homes, in their own country. Who knows better than me the trauma of uprooting an entire family from their own homes, by their own brethren. The psychological damage cannot be imagined and may take generations to repair. Israel must find a solution for these children and their families - their expulsion is an unconscionable act, unworthy of your legacy as a savior of Israel.

And finally, this is what happens when you don't do the right thing - one day you wake up and you just can't stand yourself anymore:

Dear friends and family,
Today I woke up and looked in the mirror and suddenly I realized that I am nothing more than a stupid cow. I know that I am a fool, a dunce, a woman of weak character and  immoral disposition. For years I have been nothing but a burden on my husband's career, shaming him with my ridiculous and extravagant desires and escapades.
Dear friends and family, words cannot express how ashamed I am for behaving in such an inconsiderate, self-indulgent manner. I am a worthless human being and therefore I have to decided to do the only worthy thing left to me - I am going to kill myself and rid the world of at least one useful idiot.
Goodbye friends and family. To tell the truth, I really did not care that much about any of you.

In conclusion, dear reader, next time you choose a prime minister (or president) do us all a favor - take a good, long, hard look at his wife. If she is a weak-minded idiot, then her husband probably is too.

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