Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Muslims Accept Challenge of 24 Hour Ban on Murder

ISL- New York, 31 August, 2011 - Muslim leaders announced yesterday their acceptance of a challenge issued by US President Balak Obama to refrain from killing other people for a whole 24 hours, beginning September 7. The challenge came after the publication of a decisive report by the White House counter-terrorism task force, which found that people rumored to be associated with Islam may be tangentially implicated in the recent, decades old rise in global mayhem and murder. Obama said that the challenge was issued  in consideration of the feelings of Muslims around the world, who may be offended even by the smallest hint of negativity raised in the report, and also in order to remove any doubt regarding the true nature of Islam: "If Muslims can stop killing other people for 24 hours, I believe that will prove once and for all that there is no connection between the religion of peace and terrorism," said the President.

Muslim leaders around the world embraced the report, which describes the thousands of acts of  terrorism by Islamists as being committed by mentally -ill, criminal, and misguided Muslims. "We have a lot of crazy and misguided people in our country,"  Iranian President Ahmadenijad admitted sheepishly, "But we are doing our best to find them and re-educate them in the true essence of Islam, for instance by stoning and whipping." President Ahmadenijad also said that though his country accepts the challenge and will do its best to comply, success is doubtful, "Since there are many fanatical, fringe groups that are not under our control, such as: Hizbullah, Al-Kaeda, Hamas, Islamic Jihad, Hizbu-Tahrir, Jundulaah, Jamiat-e Islamiya, Mujahedin-e Khalq, Takfir wal-Hijra, Palestine Liberation Front, Jamiat ul-Ansar, Jaish-e-Mohammed, Islamic Jihad Union, Hizbul Mujahideen and so on...


The Head of the "Let's Not Murder People for One Day Contest", Professor John Esposito, said that allowances will be made for the difficulties Islamic societies have in restraining their numerous lunatic fringes, and therefore, "The winner will be the country whose citizens kill the least people in the name of Islam in the designated 24 hour period."
First prize will be ten pounds of uranium and a nuclear reactor, courtesy of the American Counter-Terrorism Task-Force, which will be provided "as a confidence-building measure."

As it happens, I encountered yesterday a website called the Religion of Peace, which methodically tracks all the attacks conducted by Muslims in the name of Islam. The numbers are simply astounding  - about once an hour someone in the world is killed in the name of Islam. In the month of Ramadan alone, nearly 800 people were killed. Fortunately, the leaders of the West are completely aware of this terrible danger and are doing their best to stop it.
Just kidding. Sigh.


Update: one hour after I posted this,  news of another massacre by Muslims came in, this time in Russia. 9 people were killed. This comes on the Muslim holiday, Eid El-Fitr. What were they celebrating?
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