Monday, September 19, 2011

Elves Accused of Human Rights Violations in Skirmish with Orcs

(If the LOTR were translated into the Palestinian version of reality):

Minas Tirith, January 30, 3018 - New Gondor Times - The Human Rights Watchers, a Gondor-based, international NGO that monitors human rights in Middle Earth, has accused the Elves of Lothlórien of violating the human rights of Orcs in a border skirmish that occurred between the two peoples ten days ago. Orc survivors interviewed by the commission said that a large company of Elves ambushed their group, killing hundreds of defenseless Orcs, including unarmed Orc women and children.
"It was a horrific massacre", said Briznaksh, one of the survivors. "We were out on a picnic, trying to get a breath of fresh air and a change of atmosphere from the dark, stuffy caves of the Misty Mountains, where we are forced to live after the Elves took from us our beautiful Lothlórien," Briznaksh said with tears in his eyes. "Everybody was having a great time and we were just about to return home when the Elves waylaid us. Arrows were flying everywhere and  Orcs were screaming and then they came with their long knifes."

According to witnesses, the Elves slayed entire families and mutilated the corpses, cutting off the ears and noses of the victims, some of whom were still alive. "Children and women were raped mercilessly and repeatedly by the Elves," said Briznaksh, who watched the entire grisly scene from his hiding place two hundred feet below ground, in the 51st level of Moria, paralyzed with fear.
As is well-known, Orcs have been living in terror from the Elves ever since the High Elves conquered beautiful Lothlórien and expelled them, turning hundreds of thousand of Orcs into miserable refugees hiding in dark caves, fearful of the light of day.

Elbeth Danorell, spokesman for Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn, the leaders of occupied Lothlórien, denied  the charges and claimed that the Orcs crossed the border into Elvish territory heavily armed and were repelled. However, Drabnor Jardosh the national director of the Human Rights Watchers, said that the commission received  reports from numerous Orc eyewitnesses, detailing the atrocities committed by the Elves and that it is now considering filing a formal complaint to the Human Rights Commission of the United People of Middle Earth. The commission is currently chaired by the representative of Mordor, the Lord of the Nazgûl and former witch-king of Angmar, and it is composed of goblins, orcs, and trolls.
Follow IsraelSatireLab on Twitter


Anonymous said...

פוסט מעולה ועצוב כאחד. לא ברור אם לבכות או לצחוק כשקוראים אותו...

Satiricohen said...

אני כבר התרגלתי לעשות את שניהם באותו הזמן. אני בוחק כל פעם שאני קורא את החדשות ...