Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Illegal Dog Feces Found in Petah Tikva; Police Say Arrest Imminent

ISL - September 21, Petah Tikvah - Two fresh, medium-sized pieces of abandoned dog feces were discovered yesterday evening by a Petah Tikvah citizen on a sidewalk on Herzl Avenue. Avi Cohen, a 55 year-old dentist and his wife Clara, a teacher, were out taking a walk in their neighborhood when Clara felt that dreaded, sinking sensation. When she looked down she observed that she had, indeed, "stepped in it".  "Of course," said Clara, "There was no question of continuing our walk. Our entire evening stroll was irrevocably ruined."

No doubt, in time the Cohen's will recover from their trauma and perhaps, eventually, they will be able to resume their normal routine and once again go out on their evening strolls. But the question asked by Petah Tikvah residents everywhere today is: who is responsible for this new case of  "felonious feces"- the second in as many weeks -  and what are the local security forces doing about it?

A spokesman for the Petah Tikvah Police Special Shit Squad (motto: "no shit!") said that a team of expert canine detectives have been assigned to the case after initial feces DNA testing has turned up negative. "There is a rogue dog-owner out there who is shitting on the city of Petah Tikvah," said the spokesman. "The Special Shit Squad will not rest until this piece of human crap is arrested and put behind bars." The spokesman also said that undercover detectives and regular police have been instructed to increase their vigilance in the afflicted areas, and the residents have been advised to be on the alert for illegal feces.  "The best advice that I can give right now to the harrowed residents of Petah Tikvah is not to go out after dark and to walk with extreme caution."

Is dog shit really such a big problem in Petah Tikva that they have to create a canine DNA data bank? Doesn't anyone think that's just a bit extreme? On the other hand, I'm glad that despite the eternally strenuous"matzav", people still have time for shit like this. Really. 
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