Saturday, November 12, 2011

American Jew Accused of Owning 450 Black Slaves in NBA Plantations Across the Country!

ISL - 11 November, 2011 - One hundred fifty years after the civil war that tore apart the Union, and fifty years after the civil rights movement erupted across the nation, it appears that black slavery in the United States is far from abolished - on the contrary, it is alive and well  in one of America's prominent entertainment venues: the National Basketball Association. This, according to new accusations made by intrepid Black journalist Bryant Grumble, and by attorney Jeffrey Kessler who represents the NBA slaves in their ongoing quest for freedom.  Unfortunately, both men did not provide the American public with sufficient details about the conditions of black slavery in the NBA, a task which ISL has taken upon itself.

A quick internet search reveals that the conditions of the black slaves who labor in the NBA are harsher than anyone could have imagined in this day and age. Witness, for instance, the picture below:




This measly mansion has a meager 8 bedrooms and 11 bathrooms, and rests on no more than  20,862 square feet of property, which includes the small, entirely inadequate pool depicted in the picture above. As you may have guessed, this minuscule property, which is barely fit for a dog and valued at no more than 50 million dollars, is the abode of an NBA slave known only as "LeBron James", a ridiculous appellation, given to him no doubt by his evil master and (alleged) father, NBA commissioner David Stern. In addition to being compelled to live in these degrading and shameful conditions a thousand miles from his hometown of Akron, Ohio, LeBron James, like all other NBA slaves, is contractually forced to make baskets, dunks, and assists in the NBA fields, for seven and often eight consecutive months a year. 


The video below, shot at great risk by civil rights volunteers, shows LeBron James at work with other slaves. Viewers will note the three white overseers in black pants and grey shirts who control every movement of the slaves with their whistles. Slaves who disobey the Master's rules are immediately punished with a "foul". Six fouls lead to banishment from the NBA fields and more severe and dreaded forms of punishment. For this reason, the fearful slaves do all they can to avoid incurring the displeasure of the white overseers. 



Observant viewers may have noticed that "6" is also the number savagely branded on LeBron James shirt. In fact, just like in the Holocaust, every NBA slave has a red-hot number branded on his shirt, so that clearly NBA players are not only slaves, they are also Holocaust survivors, a fact which Jeffrey Kessler should have brought to the attention of the American public.

According to sources, there are about 450 Black slaves and NBA Holocaust survivors who are currently  trapped in the horrifying NBA labor camps, with no hope, no friends, and no way out of their cruel existence except to play out their contracts. On average, they last five years in the vicious, debilitating playing fields of the NBA, while being paid no more than an average annual salary of five million dollars. A quick calculation shows that the average NBA Black slave will make no more than 25 million dollars in his short career as a slave. Considering the rising prices of mansions, maids and cable TV,   500 square feet walk-in closets,  "Cribs", Bentleys and other luxury cars, as well as "bling-bling", it is no wonder that many of the black slaves in the NBA cannot make ends meet.

To us, it is clear that such base cruelty must be stopped. These atrocities are not being committed in the hell-holes of the Middle East or in powerful China - this is happening right here in our backyard, in the U.S of A. How can any decent, upright American citizen see these flagrant human rights violations and fail to tremble with rage and cry out at the stark injustice?

In such dark times I am reminded of the famous and inspiring lines written, no doubt, by an anonymous Black NBA slave, perhaps at halftime or in the training room, after another grueling day under the burning spotlights of the NBA fields:

First they came for the NBA players,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't an NBA player.


Then they came for the Black anti-Semites,
and I didn't speak out, because I wasn't a Black anti-Semite.


Then they came for the self-hating Jews,
and I didn't speak out, because I wasn't a self-hating Jew.


And then they came for me, and we went bowling, and we never watched an NBA game again. Ever.

****

If you are wondering, Bryant Gumbel was not fired for his racist and anti-Semitic remarks. This stands in stark contrast, for instance, to Rush Limbaugh, who was forced to quit a moment after he made a much less inflammatory and hurtful remark about the media reporting on Black NFL quarterback Donovan McNabb, a remark that was actually quite  truthful.
Jeffrey Kessler, who like Grumbel debased hundreds of years of Black history in America, is somehow still retained by the basketball players union.

Finally, hat tip to one of the most insightful basketball writers on the net, David Friedman.



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Sunday, November 6, 2011

NFL Bans Tackling Due to Player Safety Concerns

ISL - New York, 6 November, 2011 - The Divine Emperor and Prime Mover, the All Knowing and All Powerful King of Kings of the NFL, the Omnipotent Finer of Fines and Maker of Rules, His Glory and Eternal Sunshine, Mr. Roger Goodell announced yesterday a new decree upon the NFL and its adherents. The decree, known officially only as NFL Bull MMMDCCLXXIV, forbids tackling any player on the field. Sacking the quarterback has  been officially banned and  returns of any kind are forbidden. Special teams plays will be decided solely by the kickers, who will kick the ball as far as they can. In case of a touch-back the ball will be placed on the 20 yard line and in any other case the ball will be placed wherever it finished rolling.
His Highness, Roger Goodell The Infallible, explained that tackling may result in injury, and injuries tarnish the image of the entire sport: "We want a clean, fair game, a game that has no violence or brutality, a game that embodies the spirit of love and kindness that is the essence of the NFL and the entire great nation that is America," said His Impeccabillity, Goodell the Magnifiicent.

Several star defensive players have questioned the new rules. Brian Urlacher of the Chicago Bears said that traditionally, tackling has been the primary means of preventing the advance of the offensive player. "Its removal from the game will have an immense impact on the way it is played," Urlacher remarked, although he stopped short of questioning the supreme wisdom of the NFL Czar, "I have implicit trust in our Saviour, the Great Pigskin, Roger Goodell," Urlacher said, perhaps wary of being summoned to questioning by NFL authorities - as happened recently to Ndamukong Suh, the star defensive tackle of the Detroit Lions. Following an anonymous tip by sensitive Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, Suh was arrested by  league officials and accused of displaying severe disrespect to the quarterback position. Suh exited a one hour "interview" with the Goodell Himself in a mellow and contrite mood, "His Goodellness explained to me that I have hurt the feelings of many quarterbacks in the league and that it was wrong of me to do so. I apologized and promised to be nicer in the future", said Suh.

The new rules promise to be as confusing as the old ones. Written in the same secret code in which the entire Book of NFL Rules is written, only a handful of officials are expected to actually understand what the rules of the game are and even they are not expected to reach an agreement regarding their interpretation. We asked former Vice President of Officiating, Mike Ferrari, to explain the effect of the new rules on the game and its adherents: "Well, the question is where was the ball when the runner was stopped," Mike replied. "In other words, did the ball cross the plane or didn't it? From one point of view it appears that the tip of the ball is touching the outermost reaches of the edge of the goal line, but from a different point of view one can clearly see San Diego on a sunny day. So it all comes down to what mood the head official is in. Judging by his terse speech and abrupt movements, Mike Carey seems to be suffering from a severe case of constipation and therefore I expect a harsh, unfavorable interpretation to the rules in this situation, meaning that he will probably rule a personal foul "roughing the ball carrier" on the defensive player, who forgot that tackling is forbidden. Therefore, as a result of illegal tackling, the ball was fumbled at the goal line resulting in a touch-back or safety, as the case may be. At least that how I expect the ruling on the field to be considering the crew, the national deficit, and the fact that Jupiter is in the house of Mars."


Yes, this is more or less the present state of officiating in the NFL, and we can only expect it to get worse. Judging by the current changes that are aimed at cancelling the return game (who else is sick of this parade of touch-backs), sacks, and any semblance of pass-defense, what is satire today will probably become reality tomorrow. 
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